How to spot (and splash) 10 types of people afraid of water

How to spot (and splash) 10 types of people afraid of water

Ten types of people who don't want to be splashed with water such as "the pretty pleaser" & "the big bully" & how to splash'em & the five stages of being splashed: denial, anger & final acceptance.

GURU COVER STORY

Get 'em wet!

How to spot (and splash) the 10 types of hydrophobes this Songkran
10/04/2015
Jarupat Buranastidporn

Hooray! It's that time of year again, when we once more get to throw gallons of water around and cause talcum powder-induced asthma attacks on as many tourists as we can. To make Songkran more fun, Guru has come up with a definitive guide on the different types of hydrophobes you'll see — and the ways to get them (after all, it's more entertaining than hosing down someone who's already soaked from head to toe). Lock 'n' load those water pistols and fill up those buckets up, dear readers — we're comin' in hot!

THE PEEK-A-BOO
Spot them: Always hiding behind walls and BTS stairwells, poking out their heads every minute to check the location of water activities and constantly debating when to make a run for the next "safe" spot.

Get them: Pretend you're not looking, stealthily creep up on the side where they can't see you, splash the entire bucket of water and yell, "Surprise"! 


THE ONE WITH A GETAWAY CAR
Spot them: They're the privileged ones who don't have to brave the streets on foot, so they enjoy cruising by in their cars while pulling funny faces and feeling oh-so-satisfied with their dry clothing. Some may even taunt you by lowering their windows down a few centimetres.

Get them: It's all about good aim — and a big hose. You may not be able to completely soak these guys, but when the window of opportunity presents itself, you need to be ready to fire. Worst-case scenario, you can at least make sure they'll be in dire need of a serious car wash after you've finished splatting talcum powder on their windscreens.

THE PRETTY PLEASER
Spot them: Dewy-eyed, creased brows, palms clasped together as they mime the words, "Please don't". These guilt-trippers are good at playing the innocent card, and they'll test your morals to the limits.

Get them: Act like you've given in by accepting their plea, and let them walk away basking in the relief of escaping the danger zone. Then, just when they least expect it, a quick splash of ice-cold water on their backs will be more than enough to make them shriek and scramble away.


THE BIG BULLY
Spot them: The ultimate party pooper of Songkran, not only do they lack a sense of humour, they also resort to violence and threaten to "kick your ass" if you get their favourite T-shirt wet.

Get them: Safety precautions must be taken with these crabby people (as we're not taking any responsibility if you end up with a black eye). If there are more of you than them, just start spraying water. They won't know which one of you should answer for the crime, and will be more likely to let their guard down and join in the fun.

THE (NOT SO) INVISIBLE MAN/WOMAN
Spot them: They're sneaky, quiet and often sport oversized sunglasses. Like a chameleon, they'll attempt to camouflage themselves within the crowd with their dark clothing, in an attempt to slip by unnoticed.

Get them: Since their goal is to divert attention from themselves, call them out on it and get your friends to be extra generous with the talcum powder. That way, they'll be easy to spot, whichever direction they go.


THE PHONE HOSTAGE-TAKER
Spot them: Clutching their smartphones like their lives depend on it (or like their devices have some kind of special water-repellent powers).

Get them: We're not ones to encourage destroying other people's pride and joy just for your own amusement. So make sure you inform them first of what's going to happen if they don't get one of those waterproof cases that are widely available throughout the city.


THE WATERPROOFER
Spot them: From head to toe, they're decked out in shiny plastic. Shower cap, check. Flimsy yellow raincoat, check. Rain boots, check. Umbrella, check.

Get them: Before dousing them, explain first that you're actually helping test out how effective their waterproof attire really is. Technically, they should appreciate your generosity. But don't be offended if they don't thank you afterwards.


THE ONLOOKER
Spot them: They're equipped with binoculars, and are either taking refuge on a rooftop bar on Silom Road or hiding inside a glitzy mall. As much as they'd like to join in the festivities, the thought of getting an ear infection from the dirty water or being groped by ladyboys is just too much to bear.

Get them: Luckily, shopping malls and restaurants aren't open 24 hours, and they'll have to leave eventually. Station yourself at the exits and entrances so you won't miss the chance to get these folks.


THE TACTICAL ONE
Spot them: These nifty little buggers like to tag along behind their friends and, as soon as they're under attack from water guns and talcum powder bombs, use their compatriots as human shields.

Get them: Form a circle with your friends and start chucking water — it'll be impossible to walk away dry when you have H2O coming from all 360 degrees.


THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
Spot them: These hydrophobes are much more prepared than the others, and are probably enjoying a refreshing drink on the plane to Japan as we speak.

Get them: Unless you can somehow convince the flight attendants to splash the drinks instead of serving them in a plastic cup, we suggest you let them enjoy their water pistol-free holiday. Hey, there's always next year.


SO YOU GOT SPLASHED?

How to deal with the five stages of Songkran rage Denial

1. DENIAL


You've made the effort to avoid going anywhere near Silom, CentralWorld and Khao San Road, and yet somewhere, somehow, somebody has managed to splash you right in the face.

2. ANGER

It's all right to feel a little angry. Dressing up nicely just to end up dripping wet and freezing your butt off on the BTS isn't exactly something to smile about.

3. DEPRESSION

You're not even halfway to your destination, so you start to wonder whether you should just head back home and sulk for the rest of the day. What's the point of turning up looking like a drowned rat?

4. ACCEPTANCE

Give yourself a pat on the back for braving the water obstacle course and accept that maybe a pair of shorts, a raggedy T-shirt and flip-flops would have been a better choice of attire this time of the year.

5. REVENGE

If you can't beat them, join them. There's no better way of getting back at the people who sprayed you with water guns than whipping out a full-size garden hose and giving them a good rinse.

http://www.bangkokpost.com/lifestyle/social-and-lifestyle/525015/get-em-wet

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Vocabulary

  • activity (noun): a thing that you do for work, interest or pleasure, or in order to achieve a particular aim - กิจกรรม
  • aim (verb): to point a gun, a camera, etc. or an object you are throwing at something that you want to hit - เล็ง
  • amusement: a game, an activity, etc. that provides entertainment and pleasure - กิจกรรมที่ให้ความบันเทิง
  • answer for the crime: be the one who is punished for a crime or bad thing that someone does -
  • appreciate: to be grateful for something, i.e., feeling you want to thank someone for something they have done for you - สำนึกในบุญคุณ
  • asthma: a medical condition that makes it difficult to breathe - โรคหอบหืด
  • at least: the smallest amount possible, could be more than this - อย่างน้อย
  • attempt (noun): when a person tries to do something or achieve some goal, makes an effort to do it - ความพยายาม
  • attention: interest, especially interest that the public has in a person, event, situation etc - ความสนใจ
  • attire (noun): clothes - เครื่องแต่งกาย, เครื่องแต่งตัว
  • bask: to enjoy sitting or lying in the heat or light of something, especially the sun - อาบแดด
  • bear: to accept, tolerate or endure especially something unpleasant - ทน
  • binoculars: a piece of equipment with two parts that you hold against your eyes and look through to see distant objects more clearly - กล้องส่องทางไกล กล้องสองตา
  • black eye: a swollen bruised and black eye caused by someone hitting your eye - ตาช้ำ
  • brave: to deal with an unpleasant or difficult situation in order to achieve something - กล้าที่จะเผชิญกับ
  • bucket: a container with an open top and a handle, often used for carrying liquids - ถัง
  • bully: to use your strength to threaten or frighten someone in order to get what you want - รังแก
  • camouflage (adj): a way of hiding soldiers and military equipment, using paint, leaves or nets, so that they look like part of their surroundings - การอำพรางตัวให้เข้ากับธรรมชาติเพื่อการหลบซ่อน
  • case: a particular situation or a situation of a particular type - กรณี, เหตุการณ์, สถานการณ์
  • chameleon: a lizard that changes colours so that it blends in with where it is and cannot be seen easily -
  • chance (noun): a possibility; a likelihood; an opportunity - โอกาส
  • clasp: to join together - clasp hands
  • clutch: to hold something tightly - จับแน่น
  • compatriot: a person who is from the same country as you are - คนชาติเดียวกัน
  • constantly: continuously; all the time - อย่างต่อเนื่อง
  • convince: to make somebody/yourself believe that something is true; to persuade somebody to do something - ทำให้เชื่อ, ทำให้แน่ใจ, ชักจูง
  • crabby: irritated, ill-tempered, angry - ที่อารมณ์เสีย, ที่มีอารมณ์ฉุนเฉียว,โกรธง่าย
  • creased brows: when the area above your eyes is pushed together and "creased" to show that you don't like something, that you disapprove of it -
  • creep: to move or develop very slowly - เคลื่อนที่อย่างช้าๆ
  • crowd: many people gathered at one place - ฝูงชน, กลุ่มคน, มวลชน
  • cruise: to move/drive along slowly, especially when you are looking at or for something - แล่นไปเรื่อยๆ
  • debate: a discussion in which people or groups state different opinions about a subject - การอภิปราย, การโต้วาที, การถกเถียง
  • decked out: dressed in nice or fancy clothes -
  • definitive: final; not able to be changed; certain; considered to be the best of its kind and almost impossible to improve - ที่สรุปขั้นสุดท้าย, ที่ตัดสินใจขั้นเด็ดขาด, ที่ไม่เปลี่ยนแปลง
  • depend on: to rely on - พึ่งพา  
  • device (noun): a machine or piece of equipment that does a particular job - อุปกรณ์ เครื่องมือ เครื่องจักร
  • dewy-eyed: showing a lot of emotion or innocence and naivity, a lack of experience in life; like the person has little drops of dew or water on their eyes -
  • dire: very serious or extreme - เลวร้ายมาก
  • direction: the way something is moving or coming from - ทิศทาง
  • divert: to cause something to change direction - เบนเส้นทางเดิน
  • douse (verb): to pour a lot of liquid over somebody/something; to soak somebody/something in liquid สาดน้ำหรือของเหลว, จุ่มในของเหลว - สาดน้ำหรือของเหลว, จุ่มในของเหลว
  • effective: producing the result that was intended - ได้ผลดี
  • encourage: to cause someone to be more likely to happy - กระตุ้น
  • encourage: to cause someone to want to do something - กระตุ้น ให้การสนับสนุน
  • entertaining: interesting, exciting, amusing, etc.; fun to watch - ซึ่งสนุกสนานเพลิดเพลิน
  • entrance: a door, gate, passage, etc. used for entering a room, building or place - ทางเข้า
  • equipped: having the necessary supplies, equipment, training, etc. - ครบครัน, ซึ่งมีเครื่องประกอบพร้อม
  • escape (verb): to get away from a place; to leave a place where you are in danger - หนี
  • eventually: at the end of a period of time or at the end of a process - ในที่สุด
  • favourite (adj): something/someone you like the best of all similar things - ที่ชอบมากที่สุด, ที่โปรดปราน, ของโปรด
  • flight attendant (noun): someone who serves passengers on an aircraft - พนักงานต้อนรับบนเครื่องบิน
  • flimsy: light and not providing much protection - ง่อนแง่น
  • folk (noun): people -
  • funny: strange - แปลก
  • generosity: kindness, especially in giving things to people - ความกรุณา
  • generous (adjective): more than is necessary - เหลือเฟือ, อุดมสมบูรณ์, เกินพอ
  • getaway: of something that is used to escape from somewhere -
  • glitzy: appearing very attractive, exciting and impressive, in a way that is not always genuine; bright, exciting, and attractive but not always having real value - น่าดึงดูด, ฉูดฉาด, บาดตา
  • goal: aim; purpose - เป้าหมาย จุดมุ่งหมาย
  • grope: to feel with your hands, especially in order to find or move towards something when you cannot see easily - คลำหา, เสาะหา
  • guilt: the unhappy feelings caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something wrong - ความรู้สึกผิด, ความสำนึก
  • guilt-tripper: a person who causes someone to feel guilty, the unhappy feelings caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something wrong ความรู้สึกผิด, ความสำนึก -
  • hide: to cover something so that it cannot be seen; to keep something secret - ซ่อน, ซุกซ่อน, ปกปิด
  • hose (noun): a long tube made of rubber, plastic, etc, used for putting water onto fires, gardens, etc ท่อยาง,สายยาง, - ท่อยาง,สายยาง,
  • hose down: to clean or pour water on something using a hose - ใช้ท่อฉีดน้ำล้าง
  • hostage: a person who is the prisoner of someone who threatens to kill them if they do not get what they want - ตัวประกัน
  • hydro-: a prefix referring to water (or other fluids), e.g., hydropower - น้ำ
  • induce: to cause something, especially a mental or physical change - ทำให้เกิด
  • infection: a disease or medical condition that is caused by a bacteria or by a virus or a parasite - การติดเชื้อ
  • inform: to tell somebody about something, especially in an official way - แจ้งให้ทราบ
  • innocent: not having done anything wrong - บริสุทธิ์
  • invisible: unable to be seen  - มองไม่เห็น
  • joy: a feeling of great happiness - ความสุขสันต์,ความสุขสำราญ
  • kick your ass: beat you up - ตีจนบาดเจ็บอย่างรุนแรง, ซ้อม, ทำร้าย
  • lack (verb): to not have something - ขาด
  • let their guard down: to not be careful to protect and defend yourself from attack -
  • limit: the greatest or smallest amount of something that is allowed - ขีดจำกัด
  • location: where someone or something is - ที่ตั้ง,ทำเล
  • mime: the use of only the movements of your body and face to tell a story or express yourself - การแสดงโดยไม่ใช้คำพูด
  • miss: fail to reach or achieve a certain level or target or goal -
  • morals: standards for good or bad character and behavior - หลักความประพฤติ, หลักจรรยา, หลักปฏิบัติ, หลักศีลธรรม
  • nifty (adj): skilful and accurate, clever - เชี่ยวชาญ, ชำนาญ
  • offended: upset because of something said that is rude or embarrassing - ขุ่นเคือง
  • on foot (idiom): walking, i.e., by using your feet -
  • onlooker (noun): people who watch something that is happening in a public place but are not involved in it ผู้ดูเหตุการณ์ - ผู้ดูเหตุการณ์
  • opportunity (noun): a chance to do something, or a situation in which it is easy for you to do something - โอกาส
  • palm (noun): the inner surface of the hand between the wrist and the fingers - ฝ่ามือ
  • party pooper: a person who does something to ruin a party, so the party is not fun anymore -
  • phobe: a person who is afraid of something -
  • pistol: a small gun that you hold in one hand - ปืนพก,ปืนสั้น
  • plea: an urgent and emotional request - คำร้อง, คำขอ, คำขอร้อง, คำวิงวอน
  • please: to make someone feel happy and satisfied - ทำให้พอใจ, ทำให้ถูกใจ
  • poke out: having part of something uncovered so that it can be seen - ทิ่มไว้ด้านนอก, สอด
  • power (noun): political control of a country or an area; having a lot of influence and authority to control people and situations - อำนาจ
  • precaution: an action taken to protect people or things against possible harm or trouble - การป้องกันไว้ก่อน
  • prepare (verb): put in order, get ready - เตรียม, เตรียมตัว, เตรียมพร้อม, จัดเตรียม, ตระเตรียม
  • present (verb): to show - แสดง
  • pretend: to behave as if something is true when you know that it is not, especially in order to deceive people or as a game - แกล้งทำว่าเป็นจริง
  • pride: a feeling of respect for yourself - ความภาคภูมิใจ 
  • privileged: having special advantages not available to others - มีเอกสิทธิ์พิเศษ
  • refuge: a place where you go to protect yourself from something dangerous or threatening - ที่ลี้ภัย ที่หลบภัย
  • relief: a feeling of happiness that something unpleasant has not happened or has ended - การผ่อนคลาย
  • repellent: a device used to force someone to move away from a place - ตัวขับไล่
  • resort to: to do something extreme or unpleasant in order to solve a problem - ใช้มาตรการรุนแรงในการแก้ปัญหา ยุติปัญหา
  • responsibility: a duty; a duty to deal with or take care of somebody/something, so that you may be blamed if something goes wrong - ความรับผิดชอบ
  • rooftop: the outside surface of the roof of a building - หลังคา
  • satisfied: pleased because you have achieved something or because something that you wanted to happen has happened - พอใจ ถูกใจ
  • scenario (noun): a description of possible actions or events in the future - การสมมติสภาพที่เป็นไปได้
  • scramble: to move quickly but with difficulty; to take quick action to solve a problem - ทำอย่างรีบเร่ง
  • sense of humour: the ability to find things funny, the way in which people see that some things are funny or the quality of being funny - ความตลกขบขัน
  • shield: something that protects you from harm - เกราะป้องกัีน
  • shiny: something that is very bright when light hits it - เป็นมันวาว
  • shriek: to give a loud high shout, for example when you are excited, frightened or in pain - กรีดร้อง, ส่งเสียงร้องแหลมดัง
  • slip: to get away from or escape from - ออกไปเงียบๆ, หลบไปเงียบๆ
  • sneaky (adj): behaving in a secret and sometimes dishonest or unpleasant way - ซึ่งลับๆ ล่อๆ (คำไม่เป็นทางการ), ซึ่งหลบๆ ซ่อนๆ
  • soak: to make someone/something very wet - เปียกโชก
  • soaked: very wet - เปียกโชก
  • splash: to hit something noisily with a liquid - กระเด็นเปื้อน, สาดกระเด็น
  • splat: (of a liquid) to hit a surface violent and spread over an area - กระเด็น
  • spot: the particular place where someone or something is - ที่, สถานที่
  • spot: to see or notice - สังเกตเห็น
  • spray: very small drops of a liquid that are sent through the air; to cover somebody/something with very small drops of a liquid that are forced out of a container or sent through the air - ละอองน้ำ, น้ำที่กระเซ็นเป็นฝอย ฉีด; พ่น
  • stairwell: the area containing the sets of stairs in a building form the bottom to the top level - ปล่องบันได
  • stealthily: done quietly or secretly - ผลุบโผล่, ลอบ
  • tag along (verb): to go somewhere with somebody, especially when you have not been asked or invited - ติดตาม
  • talcum powder (noun): a soft white powder made from talc that you sometimes put on your body after having a bath or a shower - แป้งโรยตัวและทาหน้า
  • taunt: shouting cruel things at someone in order to make them angry or upset - การพูดส่อเสียดเสียดสี
  • technically: according to accepted methods of doing something - ทางเทคนิค
  • threaten (verb): to say or indicate that you might do something bad or harmful, especially in order to make someone do something - ขู่เข็ญ คุกคาม ทำให้กลัว
  • ultimate: most extreme; best, worst, greatest, most important, etc - ที่สุด
  • umbrella: an object with a round folding frame of long straight pieces of metal covered with material, that you use to protect yourself from the rain or from hot sun - ร่ม
  • violence: physical force with the deliberate intention of causing damage to property or injury or death to people - ความรุนแรง, การใช้กำลังทำลาย
  • waterproof: that does not let water through or that cannot be damaged by water - ซึ่งกันน้ำได้
  • widely available: easy to get; easy to find and buy -
  • window: a time when there is an opportunity to do something, although it may not last long - โอกาส, จังหวะ, ช่อง
  • windscreen: a windshield; the large glass window at the front of a vehicle - กระจกหน้ารถ
  • worst-case scenario: a description of the worst possible situation that could result in the future - สถานการณ์ที่เลวร้ายที่สุด
  • yell: to say something in a loud voice, or to make a loud noise because you are angry, afraid, excited, or in pain - ตะโกน,ร้อง
  • zone: an area that has an important or typical feature; an area where a particular activity is allowed or not allowed - พื้นที่, บริเวณ, เขต
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