Beautiful pain

Created by using an etching technique, an art piece titled Gravity depicts a girl who is floating in a room with zero gravity. This is a part of the exhibition “Belle Douleur” by Thai-German artist Melanie Greis, which is now on view at Kalwit Studio & Gallery until Friday. In French, “Belle Douleur” means beautiful pain. The exhibition is a result of Greis’ desire to convey her experiences from encountering, battling and transcending spinal disc herniation as well as depression.

“I took an inspiration from my desire to tell stories about my sickness and to convey it into artworks with added imagination. People will see artworks created by a person who had been miserable from suffering spinal disc herniation and depression. Everyone experiences suffering in different ways. The pain is still with me, but I learned how to live with it,” the 28-year-old artist said.

“Having spinal disc herniation made me live in constant pain. Every second is not without pain. I imagine myself living in a zero-gravity atmosphere, where there might be no pain.”

Over a decade ago, Greis was a student in Chiang Mai who dreamed about entering Silpakorn University. She attended an art tutoring school and worked very hard. But an incorrect sitting position while working on her drawings caused the aspiring art student’s spinal disc herniation. The young Greis felt unusual back pain beginning in her freshman year at the Faculty of Painting Sculpture and Graphic Arts, Silpakorn University, but she endured the pain because she wasn’t aware it could become severe until it was unbearable.

“During my sophomore year, I had urinary incontinence and severe pain down to my toes. I couldn’t sit for a long time or bend myself. I underwent a surgery in three days after going to a private hospital,” she said.

Her unbearable pain was expressed in her artworks Gravity, Pillar II and Born To Die, using an etching technique.

“It is an old but beautiful technique. I drew on a brass plate and transferred the drawing to paper by pressing the plate. The pressing caused pits, which were like a trace of my feelings. As time goes by, I still feel it.”

Things went from bad to worse when a year of severe pain caused by the spinal disc herniation resulted in depression.

Mirror and Freckles Girl depict the idea of natural beauty.

“I think I had depression before the disc operation. At that time, I felt pain all over my body and cried all night. I once had insomnia for four days. It was terrible. I decided to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression. I looked at my symptoms pessimistically. While my friends worked on their art happily, I had to drop out. The first three months after the surgery, I couldn’t sit even when using a toilet. I asked myself why I had to endure this,” she said.

While using etching techniques to express her spinal disc herniation, black and white drawings convey her depression. Mirror, Freckles Girl and Freckles Girl II are some highlights that the artist says reflects her hard times.

“A psychiatrist told me that people with depression shouldn’t look in a mirror because they will feel bad about themselves. People with depression can easily feel miserable. They feel that they have nothing good. As a woman, when I look in a mirror and see a pimple or freckle or melasma, I feel bad. Application software can make our photos look better, but the mirror tells the truth,” the artist explained.

“For Freckles Girl and Freckles Girl II, I drew them because I wanted everyone to look at freckles or melasma as something natural. Nobody has perfectly smooth skin. Freckles or melasma is a signature of each person. I drew many moles in my artworks. I think we can’t get away from the truth. I have tried to be more optimistic. When we look at a mirror and smile into it, we will have a smile back.”

In her black and white drawings, red colour is added as a poppy flower. The flower is a symbol of something that helps relieve pain.

“As a part of depression treatment, I have to take sleeping pills. A poppy in the exhibition represents opium, which has a substance that can relieve pain. In my own interpretation, its red colour symbolises fresh, blood and pain.”

One great assistance that helped the artist get through her long torment was her mother, which led to one of her significant pieces L’amour — a drawing of two hands holding a girl. Greis said that her mother moved from Chiang Mai to stay with her while she was very sick. Her mother was always by her side in her moment of need.

“A visitor told me that the hands in L’amour must belong to someone very important to me. I was impressed when he told me that in the future, I will be stronger and won’t need my mother to hold me. The hands [in the drawing] will represent my hands, which try to hold others,” said Greis.

Working on an exhibition was a daunting task for the artist, especially one who still has depression. How did she handle the stress?

“It was stressful, but I tried to be optimistic. I think we shouldn’t stay in our comfort zone. It is a challenge. I want to draw more and will send my portfolio to the museum in Chiang Mai. I want to have an exhibition there.

“To draw helps me concentrate and feel peaceful.

I like to dot on drawings. I feel calm and focus while making dots.

I release my feeling through my drawings even though it was about my misery. It had beauty in it.”

To convey her depression in her artworks allowed her to share experiences with others. On the exhibition’s opening day, Greis met with a visitor with depression.

“He was depressed because he had problems with his family. He said nobody loved him. I told him that I couldn’t advise him, but I would listen to him. People with depression don’t tell their miseries to others, but it is very helpful if someone can make them feel that they can get things off their chest. Even though you aren’t a great adviser, you can listen to us,” the artist said.

However, to overcome depression, the artist recommends seeing an expert.

“I would like to tell people who have depression to see a psychiatrist. Don’t be afraid or shy. Depression is similar to other diseases that require medical treatment. You can’t be optimistic due to a chemical imbalance, so you need to get the right medicine. I wish TV dramas would stop depicting wrong images of depression. Viewers think depression patients are likely to hurt others, but we aren’t,” Greis said.

“Belle Douleur” runs until Nov 29 at Kalwit Studio & Gallery, Ruamrudee 2, Wireless Road. Admission is free. Visit kalwitgallery.com or facebook/kalwitgallery for more information.