There was a disturbing report this week that the world is running out of insects, primarily due to pesticide poisoning. Having just read an article in which a scientist warned "if insects were to disappear, the world would fall apart", I suspect this is not good news. However, the world already seems to be falling apart without any help from absent insects. Admittedly the declining insect population is difficult to appreciate in Thailand where it is hard to experience a day without an encounter with some kind of bug. In my small garden there are plenty of crawling things creeping about, ready to sneakily bite me at the first opportunity.
Something many people are not aware of is that Thailand is the world's largest producer of edible insects, with an estimated 20,000 insect farms in the kingdom. The Thai bugs are particularly popular in the United States. Those with discerning palates are said to be abandoning their steaks, spare-ribs and Big Macs and tucking into crickets, moths and butterfly parts. Some Americans apparently can't start the day without a tasty breakfast of bugs on toast, although there have been reports that US kids take a bit of convincing that Thai ant eggs are preferable to a plate of waffles swimming in syrup.
Another popular Thai export is "four-bug kebab", a tempting combination of beetles, worms and grasshoppers. There is also a demand for a special "Isan mixed grill", an inviting blend of bugs, ants and worms. For those with a sweet tooth, chocolate-coated worms are quite popular, although some draw the line at buffalo-dung beetles, even if they are buried in chocolate. Worm larvae is also something of an acquired taste.
Potential insect consumers are reminded to have plentiful supplies of liquid on hand to help the bits and pieces go down. Grasshopper feet and butterfly parts have an annoying habit of getting stuck in the teeth.
Yasothon yummies
I recall many years ago when they first put these insects on the international market, selling them at 30 baht a tin. This puzzled my late maid, Ms Yasothon, who was something of a gourmet when it came to devouring insects. She had been consuming these things for years and had never had to bother with tins. Back in her Yasothon village she would simply go out into the fields, grab whatever was crawling around, take it home and eat it.
On one of my visits to her village, one morning she appeared holding a giant brown bug. "Aroi mahk (delicious)" she said as she wandered off with the bug perched on her shoulder like a pet parrot. That was her lunch sorted out anyway.
Anything but chicken feet
One minor problem facing a foreigner living in Thailand long enough to be regarded as an "old hand" is that you are expected to happily consume anything that is proffered without a hint of a grimace. On my forays to Isan over the years I have gallantly munched my way through what seems like half the insect kingdom. Amongst these delicacies have been giant grasshoppers, waterbugs and unidentified crawling things. Admittedly it has not only been insects. But after all these years, I still can't handle chicken feet.
Unfortunately, when it comes to food, insects do have a nasty habit of turning up where they are not wanted, especially cockroaches which regularly take swimming lessons in soups. I was in a small Bangkok pub some years ago when a lady tourist let out a stifled scream after discovering a cockroach lying on its back amongst the gravy and carrots in a meat pie. When confronted with this the Geordie proprietor was suitably apologetic, saying that it had never happened before, well not that week anyway. He consoled her with a reassuring "at least it's dead", a nice touch I thought.
Beetlemania
Among the more versatile insects in Thailand are the beetles, and there are regular illegal beetle-fighting contests, particularly in the North. In October 2015, police in Phrae proudly announced they had arrested three men, confiscated two beetles and seized the grand sum of 100 baht gambling money. Two ice-cream cartons in which the beetles were housed, were also seized.
There were strong suggestions that the duelling beetles might have ended up in the cooking pot at the local police station to liven up the tom yam soup, while other reports noted that fried beetles go well with a glass of amber liquid.
It is not just beetles that are a source of betting in Amazing Thailand. Just about anything that moves is fair game for a flutter from leaping frogs to crawling caterpillars. There have also been rumours of betting on hedgehog racing although that admittedly requires a bit of patience.
Decision time
To round up what has inadvertently become something of a homage to the world of insects, it seems appropriate to conclude with a sensitive poem by Walter McCorrisken. The eccentric Scot billed himself as "the world's worst poet" and you will soon discover why in this piece about a flea having to make an important choice concerning its planned mode of transport:
Decisions, decisions, wept a flea
As he pondered on a log.
If I go to town today
Do I walk, or take the dog?
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