Once upon a time it was smooth as silk

Once upon a time it was smooth as silk

Judging from what a leading executive of Thai Airways International (THAI) said last week, the national airline is in a spot of bother and needs to turn things around quickly. Quite what the solution might be is unclear, although one suspects a "miracle" would come in quite handy. It is common knowledge that things have not been "smooth as silk" for many years.

I admit to having a certain affinity with THAI because the first time I arrived in the kingdom, back in April 1969, was on a THAI flight from Calcutta (Kolkata) aboard a Caravelle jet.

Despite being a scruffy backpacker, and probably smelling like one too, I received courteous attention from the flight attendants. "Would you like some more wine sir?" asked the charming stewardess who, in retrospect, was the first-ever Thai person I had a conversation with. Having just spent three months travelling overland on a tight budget through freezing deserts and dust storms, I was in heaven. Even the in-flight food tasted okay.

My favourable impression of THAI was reinforced after we had landed in Bangkok, when a crew from a different flight who we met in the airport restaurant, gave us a lift into town from Don Mueang.

What makes the present situation so sad is that 40 years ago it was rightly regarded as one of the best airlines in the region. In those days THAI was in a joint venture with Scandinavian Airlines System (SAS) and it worked well with the airline earning a good reputation. SAS eventually withdrew in 1977. I often flew THAI in those days and the people were rightly proud of their national airline.

But times have changed. The reason I stopped flying THAI on international flights is simple -- it was far too expensive. No matter the destination, THAI tickets always seemed to cost much more than the other established airlines.

So, I'll simply settle for happy memories from those halcyon days, when flying was smooth as silk.

Boredom or terror

I must admit my primary concern when boarding an aircraft is getting off at the other end, preferably in one piece. Anything else is a bonus. As American film director Orson Welles observed: "There are two emotions on a plane: boredom or terror."

Give me boredom any time.

One flight that was definitely not boring became known as the "Case of the Flying Noodles" some years ago. On a flight from Bangkok to Phuket a passenger who refused to switch off her phone during take-off got so mad she flung a cup of hot noodles at the unfortunate Thai stewardess. One suspects the cabin crew's training did not include a section on "how to avoid flying noodles".

Weighty issues

The THAI flight attendants have often been in the frontline when it comes to controversies. There was a fuss some years ago when they were ordered to lose weight or face being transferred to less active posts.

It was hard not to sympathise with the attendants. Just because some might not have the slinky figures of catwalk models, didn't mean they weren't any good at their job. And they certainly didn't get fat on eating in-flight food. But admittedly it could be tricky negotiating narrow aisles for those a bit broad in the beam.

On another occasion about two decades ago a government dinosaur announced that the female attendants were not pretty enough. The minister confirmed his antediluvian thinking by stating that "intelligent women tend to be not good looking". Not surprisingly, that statement did not go down too well, particularly amongst intelligent women.

He proposed that attendants be chosen on beauty alone, regardless of whether they had an IQ of a potted plant. This raised the mind-boggling prospect of being served at 30,000 feet by assorted carnival queens -- Miss Watermelon of Buri Ram, Miss Sticky Rice of Nakhon Nowhere etc.

Paint it black

In the past decade, the airline has suffered from certain self-inflicted wounds that hardly helped its international image.

In Sept 2013, a THAI plane skidded off the runway upon landing at Suvarnabhumi and got stuck in the mud. There were only minor injuries and the incident would have been reduced to a small news filler at most. However, in all their wisdom, someone ordered staff to blot out the aircraft's logo and markings with black paint in a farcical attempt to conceal the airline's identity.

All this ill-advised action succeeded in accomplishing was to attract attention to the incident and make headlines around the world, accompanied by photos of the botched paint job. The attempted cover-up created far more PR damage than the original incident.

The bag man

Another incident, back in 2009, featured a high-ranking official of the airline who arrived with his wife on a flight from Tokyo. The couple reportedly had a whopping 260kgs of excess baggage in 40 suitcases. However, after landing at Suvarnabhumi, all these cases mysteriously disappeared. Miraculously they later showed up at the "lost and found" section at the airport and then went on to accidentally miss customs inspection.

The official later explained that the whole thing was simply a "misunderstanding" and claimed the suitcases only contained fruit to be donated to a temple. Case closed.


Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com

Roger Crutchley

Bangkok Post columnist

A long time popular Bangkok Post columnist. In 1994 he won the Ayumongkol Literary Award. For many years he was Sports Editor at the Bangkok Post.

Email : oldcrutch@gmail.com

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