As the country prepares to kickstart the 35th Asean Summit and related meetings, Thailand is proud to announce to the world that it is ready -- at least logistically. Thai police have rolled out what seem to be meticulous traffic plans for motorists in Bangkok with a set of "dos and don'ts" to make sure they know how to avoid adding to the traffic snarls. In doing so, they will be able to be good hosts. Bravo!
More than 3,000 delegates and world leaders are scheduled to be in Bangkok during the crucial event this weekend. Thailand is Asean chair and this will be the last summit under our chairmanship before we hand the baton to Vietnam.
Security officers have said all the necessary measures are in place. Pictures of armed, stern-faced officers lining up during a drill at Impact Muang Thong Thani -- the summit venue -- were shown on all major media outlets this week. There are also reports that more than 17,000 officers are being deployed to provide security. There are fears that a series of bombings which rocked the city during the last foreign ministers meeting' in August might be repeated.
I am quite impressed with the traffic plans produced by city police. There are sets of warnings and advice, alternative roads and alternative transport modes that motorists can use to avoid getting stuck in traffic as priority will be given to official motorcades. Following these plans could save people from the frustrations that may follow if they bump into one, two or a dozen motorcades travelling to and from hotels, mostly in Bangkok's business district, to the venue.
In short, we are advised to be good hosts by avoiding the guests. And if we can't, we must grin from ear to ear, no unhappy faces! One of the maps even states: "We have warned you!" But at least the police tried to soften the order by ending with "Sorry for the inconvenience". Such a tone is rare.
Over the past few days, friends have shared those maps. Many are even ready to flee the city, as hoped by the government when it designated the summit period as special holidays.
Besides traffic, few -- if any -- seem to care about the summit's agenda. Will regional cooperation get any better? Can we achieve or are we closer to sustainability as aimed for by the leaders; no one seems to care if US President Donald Trump joins other world leaders (he won't); or ask why he's missing out.
For those who wish the country well and seek a heart-warming story possibly titled: "Trump fried rice or noodles" -- like in a previous famous culinary episode when then US president Barack Obama surprisingly turned up for a dinner with Anthony Bourdain at a famous Hanoi bun cha restaurant during his 2016 trip -- will be left disappointed.
But if anything, the meticulous preparations and plans only reaffirm a few absurdities that we, city residents, have embraced in our daily lives such as the traffic congestion.
It's understandable that as the host, we want to please the delegates by trying to ensure their trip is as smooth as possible with our own convenience the main casualty.
Indeed, I appreciate the advice about alternative travel modes. However, I cannot help but wonder how those living near Impact will be able to travel in the next few days as the area has no real mass-transit system. For this reason, Impact is one place I have avoided even before the summit was announced.
The fact that we always need special traffic plans speaks volumes about the dysfunctionality of our cities due to poor planning.
I should also mention stray dogs as another absurdity. Authorities have said they rounded up -- and put away (not put down) -- about 300 strays so they won't be an inconvenience or an eyesore for the dignitaries.
"They are in a safe place and will return where they 'belong' when the summit is over," a kind-hearted official assured, defending the canine management plan in fear of protests by animal activists. The place they "belong" is the city's pavements and other public places. No one has any idea where the dogs have been taken.
This has happened before. Dogs are the first few casualties of any international event like this. They must disappear and not be seen anywhere. Sometimes they get a new permanent "home", a shelter far away from Bangkok.
I am not sure if any dignitary will notice that the Bangkok they are visiting is different without traffic and stray dogs. Maybe they will be too busy with their schedules to realise.
But I do hope they enjoy the stay and contribute constructively to the summit.
"Be my guest," everyone.
Ploenpote Atthakor is editorial pages editor, Bangkok Post.