'Flying comma' suffers a bumpy landing

'Flying comma' suffers a bumpy landing

Although it didn't make the headlines, there was a small item of news last week that will sadden those who treasure the English language. It looks like the poor old apostrophe is coming to a full stop. Finally admitting defeat, the chairman of Britain's Apostrophe Protection Society dedicated to preserving the much-abused punctuation mark, threw in the towel and announced it was all over, stating "the ignorance and laziness in modern times have won".

Apostrophes are dropping like flies around the world. This seemingly innocent little item of punctuation, which basically informs you whether there is a letter missing or if a noun takes a possessive, is in serious danger of extinction.

Commonly known as the "flying comma" it has for years been a topic of debate and is already virtually ignored in America. US author Doug Larson joked, ''If the English language made any sense a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur".

The apostrophe is probably the most abused punctuation mark in the English language, although commas come a close second. Then there are colons and semi-colons, exclamation marks and quotation marks, which all create havoc of their own. We also must not forget the dashes, hyphens, full stops, ellipses and things I have never even heard of.

It is just as well we don't have to use punctuation marks when we speak, otherwise conversations would become extremely messy and we would all go raving mad. As Mark Twain once wrote, "One man's colon is another man's comma".

Some people get quite emotional in their defence of the apostrophe. Among those, Marie Clare of the Plain English Society argues rather plaintively, "they are such sweet-looking things … it would be nice to see the apostrophe treated with a little respect".

It's or its?

The apostrophe is abused every day. Pick up any newspaper in England and you will regularly come across examples of "it's" or "its" being misused, particularly by journalists. Good heavens, even in the Bangkok Post we sometimes get it wrong.

It's probably not worth getting our knickers in a twist over this topic. As the Daily Telegraph put it so eloquently in a headline, "It really doesn't matter if its is it's or it's is its." Try saying that after a couple of beers.

Blame the greengrocer

For a long time the misuse of this particular form of punctuation has been known as the "greengrocer's apostrophe". Walk down any high street or market and you will see advertised "banana's", "carrot's", "apple's" and "pear's" when there is absolutely no need for an apostrophe. It is almost as if they are used as a decoration and thrown in because they look nice.

It is not just greengrocers. In pubs you may see "chip's'', "pie's" and even "beer's".

However, some would argue that it is important to keep it that way as it has become part of the British national heritage, with the wobbly spelling simply adding to the joy of shopping. Greengrocers have traditionally misused the apostrophe to the extent that it is almost regarded as an art form. Customers may even get upset to find apostrophes in the right place.

Lost for words

An entertaining book often referred to in discussions on grammar is Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynn Truss. The title comes from a panda joke which is too long to relate here, but features a crucially misplaced comma. Truss is passionate about punctuation and has no time for people who don't put their apostrophes in the right place. She says such people "deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave".

Now that is passion.

The BBC's John Humphrys also takes strong views on the problems facing the English language. He squarely blames text messaging, claiming "it is doing to our language what Genghis Khan did to his neighbours 800 years ago".

The versatile comma

Commas can come in more useful than one could imagine. There is a lovely tale about Harold Ross, who before he died in 1951, was the long-time editor of The New Yorker magazine. He was a huge proponent of commas although many thought he overdid it. James Thurber, a regular contributor to the New Yorker recalled an exchange with a journalist who wanted to know why a comma had appeared after the word "dinner" in the following sentence written by Thurber, "After dinner, the men went into the living-room."

Thurber explained that "this particular comma was Ross's way of giving the men time to push their chairs and stand up".

Nowhere man

Something that is probably full of apostrophes and commas in the wrong place, not to mention mixed metaphors and dangling prepositions, is the Crutch book The Long Winding Road To Nakhon Nowhere. I can assure you it is long and winding. For those still blissfully unaware, it is an account of my overland journey from England in 1969 and subsequent early experiences and mishaps in Thailand. Available at Asia Books, it could make a handy Christmas present, especially for someone you don't like. If you really don't like them, give them two copies.

If the late Dorothy Parker had read the book, I have no doubt she would have come up with her famous line, "This book should not be put down lightly but hurled across the room with full force".


Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com

Roger Crutchley

Bangkok Post columnist

A long time popular Bangkok Post columnist. In 1994 he won the Ayumongkol Literary Award. For many years he was Sports Editor at the Bangkok Post.

Email : oldcrutch@gmail.com

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