Bald pride and the curse of the comb-over

Bald pride and the curse of the comb-over

Last weekend, the Bangkok Post published an entertaining letter from the always perceptive S Tsow, who delivered an impassioned defence of being bald. Mr Tsow, who proudly describes himself as "a person of baldness", was particularly upset after observing on television one of Rudy Guiliani's associates (Lev Parnas) brazenly displaying a "cowardly comb-over".

Mr Tsow proclaims with some conviction, "baldness is a badge of honour, not a cause of shame".

A few decades ago, baldness was an unwanted reminder of approaching old age. But these days it has become quite fashionable and some younger men even shave their heads because they think it looks "cool".

The acceptance of baldness is even reflected in Hollywood. In former times, bald actors were invariably cast as villains, especially if they had a dodgy moustache. But times have changed and we are being overrun by bald heroes like Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Woody Harrelson and Samuel Jackson.

People adapt to baldness in different ways. When asked what he did to combat hair loss, singer James Taylor, who admits he's "as bald as a billiard ball", replied, "I collect hats".

Perhaps the most poetic comment on baldness came from British magistrate RG Daniels, who observed, "The most delightful advantage of being bald -- one can hear snowflakes". Hmmm.

For all the baldies who are still struggling to accept hair loss, there are some comforting words from Dolly Parton: "I love bald men. Just because you lost your fuzz don't mean you ain't a peach."

Nicely put Dolly.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

It would be prudent at this point to mention that I have been guilty of nursing a discreet comb-over for the past couple of years, not that it ever fooled anyone. I've given up now and am letting nature takes its course. There's not much option when you get called hua lahn (baldy) by the kids on the street.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I will probably end up like the following character in Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep -- "a few locks of dry white hair clung to his scalp, like wildflowers fighting for life on a bare rock".

Combing Patpong

Back in the 1980s, Thailand had an interior minister who happened to be bald. During one crackdown on nightlife, he invested in a number of wigs and this clever disguise enabled him to make surprise raids on people up to no good.

His main target was Patpong, where he had heard there was a possibility of naughty goings-on in some of the upstairs establishments. It was rumoured he was an admirer of Inspector Clouseau, so wearing sunglasses and a toupee, the intrepid official would set off to prowl Patpong undercover. His brave efforts prompted some mirth amongst the pimps and dancing girls, who, of course, could spot him and his entourage approaching a mile off.

Eventually he had to give up the undercover charade, as the girls had an irritating habit of playing with the wig when he entered the establishments. Reports that one of them pinched his sunglasses, which ended on stage as a prop in an erotic show, were alas never confirmed.

Toupee or not toupee?

The problem with wigs or toupees is that, apart from looking quite ridiculous, there is always a chance they might slip off at an inconvenient moment. Someone who discovered this some years ago was a Bangkok businessman.

He had arrived at a Silom hotel for an important meeting in the middle of a rainstorm. As he climbed out of the car a helpful doorman rushed up with one of those giant umbrellas. Unfortunately in his enthusiasm, the eager doorman succeeded in getting one of the umbrella's spokes caught up in the executive's expensive toupee and whipped it off his head. With the rain lashing down, the hairpiece landed in the overflowing gutter, looking something like a drowned rat. The businessman was not amused.

Losing her head

Among those who went to extreme lengths to hide their baldness were European royalty. In France, Louis XIV wouldn't let anyone see him without his wig. His valet even had to pass the hairpiece through the curtains of the king's bed.

Mary Queen of Scots wore her wig right up to her untimely death in 1587. In fact, it was a botched execution. After the deed was finally done at the third attempt, the executioner proudly held her severed head aloft to show the crowd, only to see it crash to the ground, leaving him holding her wig.

Love beats smoke

Over the years I have been fortunate enough to play cricket and football in the beautiful grounds of Chiang Mai Gymkhana Club.

Like most residents of the northern capital, the club is concerned over the air pollution which is becoming a serious health concern as well as doing considerable damage to tourism. With this in mind, on Feb 1 the club is holding a "Love is in the Air" (as opposed to smoke in the air) Frank Sinatra tribute concert and buffet, underneath the magnificent giant rain tree.

Proceeds from the raffle and auction will go to the Warm Heart Foundation to help educate farmers to use their crops in a more constructive way than burning which is causing so many problems. Tickets are 600 baht. More information is available on Facebook and the club's website.


Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com

Roger Crutchley

Bangkok Post columnist

A long time popular Bangkok Post columnist. In 1994 he won the Ayumongkol Literary Award. For many years he was Sports Editor at the Bangkok Post.

Email : oldcrutch@gmail.com

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