The current debate concerning the purchase of submarines has sparked memories of some important naval battles I experienced as a kid. Well okay, it was in the murky waters of my bath and featured plastic toy submarines, but they were still memorable confrontations.
The submarines came free in Kellogg's cornflakes packets. There was a little slot in the sub where you inserted baking powder. The sub would initially sink, but once the powder reacted to the water it would rise to the top and then sink again and repeat the process. One suspects modern subs might be a little more sophisticated than that, but it made bath time much more agreeable, especially for an eight-year-old.
It also meant that I consumed a lot more cornflakes than necessary in order to build up two decent-sized fleets for major naval battles in the bath.
I went on to witness some serious naval skirmishes in the tub, including the Battle of Smelly Feet and the Battle of the Soapy Sponge. There were also some plastic battleships on hand which were usually sunk with the help of my big toes. Rubber ducks were not allowed. Alas, sometimes the action ended prematurely when the subs disappeared down the plughole.
It would be nice to think that modern-day submarine commanders began their naval careers with similarly intense bathroom battles featuring plastic subs propelled by baking powder.
Just visiting
Some years later in the mid-1960s, the first real submarine I got to see at close range was the USS Nautilus, while I was on holiday in the Scottish town of Dunoon on Holy Loch. It was a lovely spot but had controversially become a US Polaris nuclear submarine base hosting several US Navy vessels.
The Nautilus, which was just visiting, was quite an impressive sight. It had become famous in 1958 when it became the first vessel to sail under the North Pole.
It was also on that vacation that I was introduced to American Football, watching a game featuring crew from the Nautilus against the rest, at Dunoon Stadium. I hadn't the foggiest idea what was going on, although the American supporters were going absolutely nuts.
Ding Dong Dollar
The US presence in Dunoon provoked a mixed reception among the locals primarily because of the nuclear weapons and there were frequent demonstrations by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND) and other pacifist groups.
I remember sitting in a Dunoon pub where an earnest-looking bearded folk singer played numbers from an album entitled Ding Dong Dollar. Among the songs were We Dinna Want Polaris and The Misguided Missiles and the Misguided Miss.
I quite liked Dunoon except that in those ancient times the pubs in Scotland didn't open on Sunday, which was bit of a blow.
Tartan navy
Something that came as a surprise was that there are kilts with a Polaris military tartan. It's navy blue and green with a few strips of yellow, especially designed for American sailors who served at Dunoon. Early proposals for a Polaris tartan were rejected by patriotic Scots as "nonsense", but in 1964 attitudes had changed and the Polaris military tartan got the go-ahead.
You never know, if a Thai submarine ever surfaces at Dunoon we might even see a Thai tartan.
Periscopes up
I must confess submarines are a bit too claustrophobic for my liking. One suspects the thought of being stuck on a sub even in normal times is scary enough for most people, let alone having depth charges dropped on them. Yet submarines are a popular genre in the movies. Just like horror films, the public are happy to experience such terrors of the deep on the screen from the safety and comfort of their armchairs.
Ever since the days of Clark Gable in Run Silent, Run Deep back in 1951, Hollywood actors have transformed into accomplished submarine commanders. Among successful periscope warriors are Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Matthew McConaughey and Denzel Washington.
According to the website Ranker, the best-ever submarine film is the 1981 German epic Das Boot starring Jurgen Prochnow. It's closely followed by The Hunt For Red October (1990) with Connery as cool as ever.
Rather a long way down the rankings, but certainly of curiosity value, is Hellcats of the Navy (1957), featuring a certain Ronald Reagan as the commander and wife-to-be Nancy Davis appropriately the love interest. It was the only film in which the pair appeared together.
Mellow yellow
We must not overlook Yellow Submarine. Back in September 1969, I forked out the grand sum of 10 baht at the Paramount theatre in Pratunam, to watch this animated film. It featured the Beatles saving the world from the music-hating Blue Meanies and other fearsome creatures, while singing about tangerine trees and marmalade skies, not to mention newspaper taxis and marshmallow pies.
That was 51 years ago, which might explain why I can't remember much about it, except that, being released in those psychedelic times, there were lots of bright colours and a submarine of a yellow persuasion. Some say it was for kids really, which is probably why I enjoyed it.
Of course the music helped, although the sing-along title song is not exactly my favourite Beatles offering. Nonetheless it became a huge hit probably because it formed a rare "double-A" side pairing with the much more cerebral Eleanor Rigby, which still sounds great.
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