Hidden victims

Hidden victims

A couple of weeks ago, a manager at Barbecue Plaza's Pinklao branch was fired because he harassed an intern in a group chat. Apparently, the manager sent a sexually suggestive message along with a photo of a girl in a tight school uniform. A female intern took offence at the message and commented that she felt uncomfortable and harassed by the message. The manager responded by claiming the intern didn't have a sense of humour and later kicked her out of the group. After evidence was posted on social media, the viral message led to an end of his management career.

In response, there was positive feedback towards how Barbecue Plaza handled the case and it showed how aware Thais are and understand sexual harassment against women. Amongst the positive feedback were comments from a few men that said if a woman behaved like the manager and the victim was a man, people would not consider the behaviour as harassment and that other women would support her by using the same excuse that the manager did and say "it's just a joke".

In Thai society, people don't pay attention to male victims of sexual harassment even though we see it often, especially on social media. For instance, when photos or videos of good looking boys or men -- be they celebrities or normal people -- are posted, some women express their attraction by using sexually explicit comments. These inappropriate comments may bother some people but for others, that might not be true. One common excuse seen online is that sexually suggestive comments from women aren't harmful because they aren't as aggressive as men, claiming that they aren't going to attack boys or men in the photos. Is that true?

After browsing the internet, I discovered that many men seek advice about sexual harassment. For example, a man posted a question on a messaging board after he was groped on public transport by women. He claimed that one woman even touched his private parts. Meanwhile, another guy complained that many female classmates harassed him by caressing his chest and his behind every day. He was upset and felt like he was a sexual object to his classmates. In another case, a man said he felt frustrated because his female friend, who had a crush on him, tried to touch and hug him and forced him to touch her. He told her to stop, but she persisted. Many men are victims of sexual assault from women. At least two of them said they were drunk at that time of the harassment while another man said he was coerced into sex when he was young.

It's important to remember that not all men are stronger than women. Some men were assaulted when they were young boys while at other times, women assaulted men when they had the opportunity and the desire to do so.

Like female victims of sexual harassment, male victims also go through feelings of low esteem, shame and depression. Some may even need professional counselling to restore their mental health after such an experience. However, it is sad to see many people make jokes about male victims who ask for advice online, especially in sexual assault cases. Many people simply don't believe that female-on-male-rape is a real phenomenon. Instead, people react to such threads by sending icons that express "hilarious" and "like" to original posters. They joke that no damage has been done and the victims are "lucky". Moreover, some even question the victims by asking: "Don't you like women?" while others said they wanted to have a similar experience. While people respond more aggressively if a man posts that he was harassed or assaulted by another man, but even then, posters question why the person didn't fight back.

Traditional gender roles have negative effects on both men and women. The idea of masculinity assumes that men are strong, have stable emotions, and their behaviour is that of a predator who can have many sexual partners without attachment. When women are harassed, most people feel sorry for them but they don't feel the same way toward male victims, making it difficult for them to speak out because most people will not have empathy for them.

When it comes to cases of sexual harassment, it is always about consent. Being a man doesn't mean he is a piece of meat for every woman to touch and prod. Being a man doesn't mean he wants to sleep with every woman and likewise with gay men. Last but not least, being gay also doesn't mean he is willing to sleep with every man. Hence, if we hear news about a man speaking out about being harassed or assaulted, we should listen and try to understand the case. Don't make fun about it just because the victim is a man.

Suwitcha Chaiyong is a feature writer for the Life section of the Bangkok Post.

Suwitcha Chaiyong

Feature writer for the Life section

Suwitcha Chaiyong is a feature writer for the Life section of the Bangkok Post.

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