Well, after that things can only get better

Well, after that things can only get better

What a dreadful year. We found ourselves having to tackle a whole new vocabulary and most of the words were enough to make even the most optimistic among us depressed. It all began in March with "self-isolation", a horrible expression inferring you have become a hermit, hidden away, exiled, incommunicado, which in fact is exactly what we were.

Then we had "social distancing" or the "length of three badgers" as it was neatly interpreted in Wisconsin. Another expression we were greeted with was "herd immunity" which I never really understood. It wasn't long before the most commonly used words in this newspaper were "postponed" and "cancelled".

Around the globe the much feared "lockdown" surfaced, after which there was an avalanche of confusing words like "contract tracing" and "asymptomatic". Then there was the rather creepy "patient zero" and even scarier "super-spreader". The previously innocently-sounding "droplets" soon adopted a much more sinister meaning.

It looks like we will have to get used to it for a while and accept it is part of the "new normal", another phrase that is getting increasingly annoying.

The moment I knew the coronavirus was going to be a nuisance: Meeting friends in a Bangkok restaurant in early March, in which the customary handshakes were replaced by a variety of awkward fist bumps, elbow nudges, foot-shakes, waving of arms and other silly ways of simply saying "hello". It felt like The Last Supper.

Creature comforts: There was almost an Orwellian feeling as around the globe wildlife took over empty towns and trotted through deserted streets. Early beneficiaries were Kashmir goats in the Welsh town of Llandudno which dined out on the town's tasty hedgerows and lawns.

Monkeying around: It was not as peaceful at the Lop Buri monkey temple where the long-tailed macaques, without having their tourist food handouts, were involved in street battles verging on gang warfare as they fought over food scraps.

Pet peeves: An Italian woman was arrested in Rome for walking her pet turtle without a leash. Her argument that people were allowed to walk their dogs and that her pet didn't even bark made no impression on the no-nonsense polizia.

The Dry Mango: The postponement of the Songkran festival brought sighs of relief to many. Not even the hint of water-fights in the capital. Is it asking too much for a repeat this year?

Masking the language: Wearing a face mask does not help those of us with linguistic shortcomings. Anything I say in Thai comes out sounding like "wrrrgh wrrrgh wrrrgh wrrrgh", met with blank looks.

Journey into Space: On a Bangkok hospital visit it was hard not to sympathise with my lady doctor who was wearing not only a substantial mask but also a futuristic face shield and looked as if she was about to audition for Star Wars.

Nelly the Elephant Award: Off-duty Thai rescue worker Mana Srivate used emergency procedures to revive a baby elephant lying in the road after being hit by a motorcycle in Chanthaburi. After intense CPR the elephant eventually recovered. "When the elephant started to move I almost cried," said Mr Mana. Well done sir.

Wrap Star: At the early White House coronavirus briefings the silk scarves worn by Dr Deborah Birx stole the show. Another team member, Dr Anthony Fauci, also became a celebrity and his bobblehead doll was a best-seller.

Now showing: With no customers, US cinemas put on a brave front by inventing their own film titles including, No Close Encounters of Any Kind, No Corona for Old Men, The Face Mask of Zorro and the splendid Mr Smith Goes to Wash His Hands. But perhaps the most poignant offering came from a Jacksonville cinema which announced: "Cinema closed until life doesn't feel like a movie."

Putting Mullumbimby on the map: An Australian choir, Dustyesky, consisting of 28 middle-aged men from the NSW town of Mullumbimby enjoyed a hit in Russia with their version of Song of the Volga Boatmen. It is believed to be the first time "Mullumbimby" has ever been mentioned on Russian airwaves.

Best cameo TV performance: A married male Spanish journalist giving a serious live report from his home when a half-naked lady wandered into the background frame. It wasn't his wife, which kept the Spanish tabloids busy for a few days.

Brexmas party: Despite a "last-minute hitch" over fishing, a Brexit deal was finally achieved. Discussions reportedly went down to the very last herring. It was no coincidence that British PM Boris Johnson announced the deal sporting a herringbone shirt.

Farewell Trink: Bangkok's grand old Nite Owl, Bernard Trink, died at the age of 89. The world of caravanasaries, watering holes, hoofers and demimondaines will never be the same. Nuff said.

Farewell Vera: It was also the final curtain for Dame Vera Lynn, the British "forces sweetheart" who died at the age of 103. Hearing The White Cliffs of Dover still sends a shiver down the spine of anyone who experienced those times. The final verse is something to ponder: "There'll be fun and laughter, and peace ever after, tomorrow when the world is free."

Also sad farewells to Sean Connery, Honor Blackman, Diana Rigg, Barbara Windsor, John Le Carre and many more.

A Happy New Year to all readers. Let's hope 2021 is an improvement on 2020. If not, we are in real trouble.


Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com

Roger Crutchley

Bangkok Post columnist

A long time popular Bangkok Post columnist. In 1994 he won the Ayumongkol Literary Award. For many years he was Sports Editor at the Bangkok Post.

Email : oldcrutch@gmail.com

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