When great debate went into extra time

When great debate went into extra time

No-confidence debates like that taking place during the past week have become something of a tradition in Thailand, but it is rare for them to be successful. Perhaps the biggest excitement came some years ago when in the middle of such a debate one MP called a leading a politician a "toad", which didn't go down too well. But at least it livened up proceedings.

One of the more quirky debates occurred in the middle of 1994 when the kingdom was in the midst of a political crisis. The government was wobbling and a no-confidence debate had been called. Unfortunately it coincided with the football World Cup being held.

Reacting swiftly to the situation a leading opposition spokesman suddenly announced a postponement of the debate. It turned out the MPs wanted to watch the World Cup on television and didn't fancy having their viewing pleasure spoilt by such an annoying thing as a government crisis. They were also aware that the Thai public was far more interested in the football than listening to politicians prattling on.

When the no-confidence debate was eventually held it failed miserably, partly because most of the opposition had forgotten what it was they had lost confidence in.

When the chips are down

There was one splendid incident during a no-confidence debate in the late 1990s when the prime minister of the time referred to the opposition as "mun'', a common potato. Well, that was his story. Rival MPs disputed this interpretation and claimed the PM had actually used the word "man", meaning "thing" which in Thai is not polite to call someone. However, the PM stood by his version, prompting assorted "hot potato" jokes among the media.

If nothing else it gave the potato a new status in the vegetable kingdom, the first vegetable to be used as an insult in the Thai parliament. It was thought it might spark a trend in vegetable insults. However, politicians seemed reluctant to call one another "onion head", "fat cabbage" or "tomato face".

Boundary banter

To digress a little, the potato became an unlikely cause of a rumpus at a cricket match of all things. Back in 1997 while fielding in an exhibition game in Toronto, Pakistan cricketer Inzaman-ul-Haq was visibly upset after repeatedly being called a "fat potato" by a loud spectator. Inzaman's response was to stride off the pitch, march into the crowd and try to whack the culprit with his fists and later with a bat, before being restrained. No one ever called him a "fat potato" again.

Potato head

I'm fed up with politics so let's stay with potatoes which are far more tasteful.

At my grandma's house, on the wall of the bedroom where I slept was a large painting of people working in a potato field. That may have had a role in me becoming something of a potato head. I would fall asleep dreaming of potatoes of all sorts -- boiled, mashed, baked, roasted, fried, grilled, sauteed and whatever else you can do with a spud.

I should add to that list "burnt potatoes" which have become my specialty. I have developed an unfortunate habit of boiling potatoes and totally forgetting about them until someone asks, "what's burning?" and I'm left with two cremated spuds and a ruined saucepan. They don't write about that in cookery books.

Country crisps

Just about everyone has nibbled on potato chips or crisps as we call them in England. I briefly worked in a crisp factory in my student days and quickly succumbed to the temptation of sampling the produce as it sped along the production line. After a few days I vowed to never eat another crisp again. But of course I did.

Perhaps the most memorable crisps were those tasted on a trip back to England in 1981. I was in a Newcastle pub and could not resist the Hedgehog Flavoured Crisps on sale at the bar, the packet illustrated with a hedgehog motif. They tasted okay too and I was reassured by the message on the packet "savour all the flavour of traditional country fare cooked the old fashioned way without harming a single spike of a real hedgehog".

The crisps incidentally went down very nicely with a glass of Newcastle Brown ale. However, hedgehog crisps were withdrawn from sale the following year for breaching the Trade Descriptions Act because the flavouring was actually pork fat without a hint of hedgehog.

Ode to a hedgehog

The British have a soft spot for hedgehogs, despite their prickly nature. Every year more than 300,000 of the unfortunate slow-moving creatures are squashed on the roads and signs have gone up alerting motorists that hedgehogs might be out for a stroll.

Even gardens can be hazardous. The last work by British poet Philip Larkin was about a hedgehog, and its ominous title, The Mower, is all you need to know. Indeed, hedgehogs have established a place in literature and receive honourable mentions in the works of Rudyard Kipling, Lewis Carroll and even Shakespeare.

A final word from Pam Ayers in her poem In Defence of Hedgehogs, which includes the poignant lines: "It is statistically proven/in chapter and in verse/that in a car and hedgehog fight/the hedgehog comes off worse".


Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com

Roger Crutchley

Bangkok Post columnist

A long time popular Bangkok Post columnist. In 1994 he won the Ayumongkol Literary Award. For many years he was Sports Editor at the Bangkok Post.

Email : oldcrutch@gmail.com

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