Last week I came across an expression I hadn't heard for years, courtesy of the Bangkok Post's cryptic crossword. The clue was "It's sweet (but cowardly)". The answer turned out to be "custard". That took me back to pre-teen days when "cowardy, cowardy custard" (without the 'L') was a taunt heard at my primary school when someone timid was being teased.
It was invariably followed by "eats his mother's/father's mustard'' or variations on that, presumably for rhyming reasons. All very silly really, but that's the way it was.
It's unclear why custard should be associated with cowardly behaviour. Some believe it's because it can be a bit wobbly, while an alternative view is simply that it's yellow which is common worldwide slang for cowardice.
Mustard on the other hand is known for its strength and exudes positive vibes. Thus to be "keen as mustard" is being enthusiastic, but if someone "can't cut the mustard" they are not up to the standard required.
Cowardy Custard was also the title of a 1972 musical revue in honour of British singer/composer Noel Coward which presented the story of his life in music. It opened in London and proved very popular. Coward died in 1973. Among his most famous songs was "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" in which Bangkok gets an honorary mention.
I can't think of any other expressions featuring custard which is probably just as well.
The Cat
The word "custard" pops up in some unusual places. In England there's a pub called The Cat and Custard Pot in the hamlet of Paddlesworth near Folkestone in Kent.
According to local folklore the pub was originally called the Red Lion. After the sign was destroyed in a storm the village artist painted a new version, but locals complained his lion looked more like a domestic cat. So they renamed the pub The Cat and Mustard Pot although it is unclear where the mustard idea came from. Later "mustard" evolved into "custard" for unexplained reasons. It doesn't really matter as patrons simply call it "The Cat".
There is also a popular pub in the Cotswolds village of Shipton Moyne in Gloucestershire called The Cat and Mustard Pot which has not changed its name to custard. The pub name dates back to 1924 after the new owner had spotted it in the fox hunting comic novel Handley Cross by RS Surtees.
Sun spots
Following last week's list of favourite moon songs a reader suggested that to balance things out the sun should get similar treatment. Again there are a huge number of songs to choose from. Also like the moon, the sun songs are all about love or the lack of it. So here are five I have enjoyed over the years and a brief explanation why:
"Here Comes the Sun" (Beatles): Written and sung by George Harrison it is so cheerful and optimistic, the ultimate feel-good song.
"The House of the Rising Sun" (Animals): Terrific performance by Eric Burdon and the boys, although it admittedly has got nothing to do with the sun.
"Sunny Afternoon" (Kinks): Unashamed nostalgia highlighted by the most comforting refrain you could ever wish for: "lazing on a Sunday afternoon in the summertime". Those were the days.
"Sunshine of Your Love" (Cream): In the late 60s early 70s every Thai band on Petchaburi Road's "Golden Mile" would play this several times a night for GIs on R&R from Vietnam.
"Ain't No Sunshine" (Bill Withers): Just a wonderful soul/blues song. Withers wrote it while working in a factory making toilets. When the song went gold the record company presented him with a golden toilet seat.
Blind Beggar
Worthy of mention is "The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore" by the Walker Brothers. It will always be associated with an infamous incident at the Blind Beggar pub in east London and a hangout of the notorious Kray Twins. This was the pub where, in March 1966, Ronnie Kray walked in and brazenly shot rival gang member George Cornell who was sitting at the bar. Cornell's last words when he saw Kray enter were "Well, just look who's here".
Seconds before the killing, the barmaid had put "The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore" on the jukebox. Kray's associate also fired two shots into the ceiling and folklore has it that a ricochet from one of the bullets made the needle on the jukebox get stuck repeating "anymore, anymore, anymore…."
Just a rumour
I was brought up listening to weather forecasts on BBC Radio desperately hoping the sun might get a mention. More often than not we were informed "outlook changeable" although we occasionally had our hopes raised by "scattered showers with sunny intervals".
Even with all the sophisticated forecasting equipment these days the English weather remains notoriously fickle especially when it comes to the sun. You never know if you are going to wake up to a clear blue sky or a dreary drizzle which could last for days. I remember a forecaster during one particularly grim English summer in the 1960s bravely attempting to cheer up viewers by announcing there was "a rumour of sun".
Wet blanket
When it comes to weather, you can't please everyone. On departing England after an unusually sunny week, American comedian Groucho Marx complained: "I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining".
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