Perhaps I would simply string together a bunch of random words, because who really cares? Tally juniper owns pumpkin sneaks froong-fring cats sneak milk, amirite?!
Maybe this would have been a good opportunity to finally come clean about how many times I have napped at the office — and that I've used my work computer for, gasp, non-work-related purposes!
Even better, I could name every reader who has ever sent me hate mail and spend the next 800 words writing about how they made me cry so, so much. Oh, don't feel bad and try to apologise; you should actually feel sorry for those interns whose sole responsibility was to wipe away my tears and spoon-feed me chocolate ice cream as a means of comfort.
After carefully weighing the pros and cons of each scenario, I decided it wouldn't be wise to get fired before I resign from my role as an employee who has mastered the art of sitting down for eight to 10 hours a day, losing every argument with the office printer (I'll show you a paper jam, you $$&$#!@!#), and realising that, I, actually, don't, know, how, to, use, commas.
A position otherwise known as Guru editor.
That's right, after a seven-year career of working for the most glorious magazine the world has ever seen — renowned for award-winning journalism that has toppled dictatorships, brought corrupt officials to justice and, most importantly, tried way too hard to make lame jokes — I have decided it is time to move on from these hallowed pages.
Working for Guru — first as a reporter for three years, then as editor for the past four — has been an amazing experience, despite robbing me of my youth and once wrinkle-free skin. Of course, none of this would have been possible without the help of those who have stayed with me on this journey. In no particular order, I would like to thank:
 My office chair, for being so f**king uncomfortable. Thanks to its atrocious support and pain it caused my back, shoulders and neck, I was guaranteed to be transported into a bad mood the second I sat down. This allowed me to write some of my most groundbreaking columns, in which I complained about traffic, whined about the weather, and when I was feeling particularly ballsy, moaned about both the traffic and the weather.
 My family, who didn't always understand why I used so much profanity in my articles, but appreciated the fact that I tried to cover up any foul language with asterisks.
 Coffee, for making those slow days a little bit easier, and vodka, for stepping in when caffeine just couldn't get the job done.
 All the wonderful people I have worked with at the Bangkok Post. I'm grateful to my bosses, who believed in me even though I still have no idea how to create a budget, and my colleagues, who always made sure there were plenty of snacks/alcohol around for that 4pm pick-me-up.
 The Guru staff, for being some of the most talented and creative people I have ever worked with. Together we have lived through frightening times such as street protests that have shut down the city and a coup that has caused a dramatic power shift, but I think nothing has brought us closer and more firmly bonded us than experiencing the horrifying trend that was big-eye contact lenses.
 The inspiring folks I have met through this magazine. I'm grateful to the PR companies who always kept me in the loop, the unique minds who continue bringing their innovative ideas to the city and especially those who invited me to their cool parties, restaurant openings and fancy events. (You can still invite me, even though I don't work here anymore, OK?!)
 The city of Bangkok. It has been tremendous to see the city I love-hate evolve from one obsessed with all things Korean to one full of cool, vintage-wearing, indie rocker, market-going people... who are still obsessed with all things Korean.
 Finally, I would like to thank you, dear reader. Yes, even those of you who didn't always like what I had to say. Thank you for letting me share my rambling thoughts each week in this space, no matter how awesome or wrong (usually wrong) I was. And if we meet again — most likely in a dark bar at midnight, while I'm sobbing and yearning for the best days of my Guru life — make sure you say hello (and buy me a drink).
Now, before I head off to clear my browser history of all the embarrassing websites I look at during office hours, please allow me to introduce Napamon Roongwitoo, who will be taking over as Guru's fearless leader — and bringing you your weekly dose of entertainment.
With that final run-on sentence, thank you and goodbye! G