When I was born, my first name was just Phat (pronounced Pat). It's still shown on my hospital birth certificate. Not long after I began toddling, however, my mother rushed to the district registration office and asked the officer to add "Duang" to the front of the existing name. So, it became Duangphat -- just like that. Weird name, even for Thai people.
"Why would you ruin such a fine, common name in the first place?" I would often ask my mother. It turned out she thought that my original name was too bare and not chic or catchy enough to begin with, so she decided the "Duang", which sounds utterly feminine (and so I grew up rightfully detesting it), would make my name stand out. Oh thanks, mum.
If my mum had not cared so much about naming her son differently, I might have ended up being named Somchai (meaning "appropriately manly" and often regarded as the most traditional name for Thai men), which would have rendered my life insufferable. According to the Ministry of Interior, there were 240,000 Somchais registered in 2012.
Nowadays, however, when it comes to naming a child, not all parents love seeing their child's name resembling others. There are parents who don't like picking a name for their child based on a baby name book or just randomly choosing from a list of the most common names out there because they want their child's name to be unique.
One example of the art of naming a child took place last Friday. This time, it became controversial because the parent, an actor, chose to name his son Chao Phraya -- the name of the river. There is nothing wrong with the guy wanting to name his son that, though I'm not sure how his son will find his name once he grows up.
What is wrong about this whole affair though is the people on the internet who immediately had a lot to say about the actor's choice of naming his child, even though the name had already been approved by the district registration officer who was supposed to adhere to the Act of People's Names carried out in 1962. The Act merely states that a person's name must not approximate that of the monarchs, must not contain rude words and must not be used for deceptive purposes.
These kinds of netizens, who are fond of expressing their criticism on those they perceive as offending the Thai standards or values, said that "Chao Phraya" is "too high" and thus highly inappropriate for the actor to name his son. Why too high? Their medieval explanations for their disapproval reasoned that "Chao Phraya" was the title of a highest-ranking nobleman who happened to have a large piece of farmland during the 15th century in the feudalistic Ayutthaya period. But after some 500 years, and after the word itself has been adopted as the name of a dirty river, a brothel, a hospital as well as an insurance company, why is it so wrong that an innocent man would to want to name his son this?
After all, he still believes the meaning of the word has some intrinsic good. Despite this, the netizens have suddenly decided they can't abstain from nosing into his business, all in an attempt to prevent him from breaking their sacred "Thainess".
I also believe these people are the same group of people who also had a lot to say about a similar event earlier when another actor named his daughter Sawan, which means "heaven" and got lambasted. Once again, they said it was too high. You have got to be kidding me.
Sadly, it's not just the issue of names that these netizens are prying into. Other similar preposterous events include an actor who was recently criticised for striking poses too fancy in his "high" graduation gown, which he had bought with his own money. Not to forget when Lady Gaga was condemned for not respecting Thai culture during her concert in Bangkok in 2012 when she took a "high" chada (crown) from her dressed up fan and wore it onstage. The fan probably rented it from a costume rental store for less than 300 baht.
There is nothing wrong with endorsing such absurd nationalism. For what it's worth, it even suits the country at a time like this. Nobody cares about how willing you are to be suppressed by such erroneous beliefs of yours until you start rubbing them in other people's faces. Nobody cares.
Duangphat Sitthipat is a feature writer for Bangkok Post's Life.