When asked about her gravest concern as an ethnic minority woman, domestic violence is not on the top of the list of Hmong activist Kanlaya Chularattakorn. Not that it does not exist, but the topic is simply too divisive when highland communities need to unite for survival amid state hostility.
"Our biggest problem is the negative and false stereotypes of the hilltribe people as forest destroyers and drug dealers," said the coordinator of the Indigenous Women's Network of Thailand. "This deep-rooted prejudice is why we are being treated as second-class citizens, why we face forest evictions, and why few people care to listen to our side of the story."
Expectations of women's submissive roles in hill tribes families remain strong, making domestic violence a taboo topic, she added. "We're also caught in a community struggle for survival from land rights conflicts and forest eviction," she said, sighing. "It's then very difficult to raise this sensitive issue. I hope you understand."
Of course, I do. Who am I to judge? I feel sad to hear yet again that the physical and emotional abuses many women routinely face in families must take a backseat to other "bigger" and "more immediate" problems. But Ms Kanlaya's point underscores the fact that women's chances to end wars in their homes does not stand alone. It takes a certain of peace outside their houses. Which is why the state's rhetoric on domestic violence and gender equality is maddening.
State officials keep telling women to overcome their fear and break the silence. But what's the point when the government itself is killing that very chance?
When the regime is waging war with your communities, threatening to uproot you and destroy the source of your livelihoods, what do you think you will devote your time and energy to?
As we celebrate International Women's Day this week, Ms Kanlaya's concerns reflect the different struggles of rural and urban women despite the yoke of patriarchy they share. What are their struggles? Who are the oppressors? We can probably find some answers in the list of female human rights defenders honoured by the National Human Rights Commission recently.
Of the eight awardees, five are grassroots women's groups fighting and risking their lives amid threats and intimidation to protect their seas, forests and land -- their sources of livelihoods. Their enemies? The government's top-down policies and support for big business and megaprojects, namely coal-fired power plants, fracking, mining and the dictatorial forest management set out to evict more than 10 million people living in forest areas. Their struggles reflect intensifying natural resource wars between people in rural areas, where people's livelihoods still rely on natural environment, and the military regime's push for industrial investments following the 2014 coup d'etat.
Of course, previous governments were also supportive of environmentally destructive megaprojects and hostile to grassroots resistance. Of course, locals always have to fight unjust laws and the costly and time-consuming judicial system. But this is undeniable; the junta's suppression of protests, the routine use of troops to arrest protesters sending them to court, and the regime's free reign of power through Section 44 to detain dissents for "attitude adjustment" have made grassroots struggles more dangerous than ever.
This is particularly so when the protest leaders are young women. Threats of sexual violence from hired thugs are not uncommon.
The other three NHRC female right defenders were honoured for their tireless work on female ordination, transgender rights, and counselling for beaten wives. All of them are urbanites, serving their peers' needs beyond the immediate reliance on natural resources for their livelihoods.
What happened to the young girls and women who were forced to leave their homes to work in cities after their families and communities were destroyed by environmentally destructive projects? The policy proposals from the Friends of Women Foundation to mark International Women's Day may shed some light on this important matter:
Provide nurseries in the workplace. Provide official support for single mothers, laid-off moms and abandoned wives. Make men pay for alimony and child support. Provide paternity leave. Make the police force responsive to violence against women. Punish human traffickers and clients of child prostitution. Get tough with the alcohol and drug industries because intoxication and loss of self-control is the main driver of domestic violence. Lastly, increase the proportion of women in all levels both in the government and business sectors.
These proposals derive from cases handled by the foundation which are mostly about domestic violence, the lack of men's family responsibilities, and unplanned pregnancies with the foundation believing that if there are more women decision-makers, things will change for the better.
It's good to know that abused women dare break the silence and seek outside help. But will changes come about if women have more of a say in politics and business? I am not too sure about that.
Given that our country's highly hierarchical society is marked by appalling disparity, I think the class factor is more powerful than the numbers game.
True, women policymakers and business executives are still outnumbered by men, but women are generally highly visible in most all sectors. Ask them about gender discrimination, and they will complain about glass ceilings, unequal pay and favouritism from the boys' clubs. Yet when at home, most agree to take on the double workload as wives and mothers without challenging the "masters" of the household to share the burden.
Why? Simple. Because they have poor women serving as cooks, nannies and cleaners. When the pool of Thai rural lasses run dry with free education, factory jobs, and better work opportunities, the influx of migrant women from neighbouring countries continues to keep their houses spick and span.
In a more egalitarian society where both husbands and wives work, gender inequality and an unequal workload will be challenged right in the home. That's where real change starts. Here, patriarchy remains unquestioned. Putting more better-off women who still subscribe to patriarchy then does not promise that changes will trickle down to less fortunate women.
Nurseries for women workers? Safe and legal termination of unplanned pregnancies? Punishment for abusive husbands and empowerment for the wives to leave? Welfare protection for sex workers? All these demands from less fortunate women remain unanswered although women policymakers often have a say in these so-called "women's issues".
Why? Because they live in different worlds.
In a patriarchal world where women in power live, the women who stray from the paths of "good women" should be condemned and punished, not helped. It is also difficult for them to empathise with rural mothers who are fighting to save their seas, forests, rivers and ancestral lands.
As city dwellers, they are benefiting from the system that steals the resources from rural areas to nourish their modern lifestyles. It's not surprising if they would consider female human rights defenders as anti-development or a plain nuisance to be ignored, even suppressed as the junta sees fit.
It's the government's duty to boast about its efforts to further women's advancement in Thailand.
Don't be fooled. This is what happening. There have been attempts to tamper with the domestic violence law to encourage abused women to stick to the abusive marriage "for the sake of the children and family". A law has been passed to prohibit former women convicts from working for one full year after their release. Welfare support for single mothers and female workers remains a pipe dream.
Meanwhile, the government has passed a mining law that would allow mining in any area, including watershed forests. At the same time, it is giving a green light to controversial dam projects, coal power plants, deep sea ports, fracking and special economic zones that will destroy the natural environment and local livelihoods for short-term gains.
With community survival an urgent priority, with patriarchy alive and well from gross disparity, with laws churned out to intensify exploitation of natural resources, with the military regime clamping down on the right to express grievances, with democracy still not in sight, women's struggles for rights, equality and dignity are now harder than ever.
Sanitsuda Ekachai is former editorial pages editor, Bangkok Post.