In the 85 years since the pioneering but no longer mentionable event concerning absolute rule, Thai citizens or some of them have voted in 27 elections. Or so. A few were free and fair. Most weren't, and things aren't looking too sunny for election No.28.
"November 2018. Is that clear?" The general prime minister, after painting himself into a corner trying to look big at the White House, has been forced to claim he will let people vote in 399 days.
Maybe he will but this boy who cried "Vote!" was just kidding the last four times he said the same thing in 2014, twice in 2015 and again last year. Each time he held out voting registration papers, pulled them back and then denied he did any such thing.
There may be an election in 13 months or longer, but 1,240 days into the coup regime, the intriguing part is watching the junta's plans to break the record for longest stay by a military prime minister.
Everyone and his dog already understands the changes that will occur after there is an election supervised by the men ("Don't you gals worry your pretty little heads about this") of Gen Prayut Chan-o-cha's regime.
That includes foreigners. A diplomat gave us breakfast and insight this past week. The diplomatic corps in general "isn't predicting an election in November 2018, whatever he says. But we are predicting he's shooting for a record as prime minister."
That would be an achievement. With three years and 144 days under his thin, black leather belt, he has a long way to go even to match Gen Prem Tinsulanonda in modern times (eight years, 154 days).
The Thai record for time as "elected" prime minister is 15 years and 25 days during two separate terms by that master of the power grab and fawning to Tokyo, Field Marshal Plaek Phibulsonggram. Sarit Thanarat was just five years and a few days in office, but his pupil in political treachery, Thanom Kittikachorn, had power for 10 years minus two months, interrupted at last when he couldn't kill enough patriots to stop the 1973 revolution.
History tells us that the current prime minister, like those storied hangers-on, won't be running for election. This is what allows military governments to run elections that are actually free and fair but are as impartial, surprising and predetermined as a Fifa vote on a World Cup site.
What we have now is the promise of an election and the certainty of no political parties messing up the vote with "activities". Political meetings will be allowed in due course, perhaps.
RECORD: Field Marshal Plaek Phibulsonggram
Thai elections are what enable Thai citizens to explain that foreigners couldn't possibly understand Thai politics -- because Thais don't understand Thai politics. It's enough to say that the next prime minister of Thailand will be a very well-known man, clad in green and jackboots and -- the PostBag-based fan club informs us -- the most popular figure in Thai politics today.
Thailand has had democratic elections, but not many. When they voted, Thai voters from 1933 to 1975 voted pretty well always for a government like this one. Some say the Ratsadon party, Khuang Aphaiwong, Phin Choonhavan, Plaek and Pote Sarasin manipulated the system to ensure they came out on top after elections. Others, fans of the current administration, claim voters simply affirm the obvious popularity of the green shirt party member in charge at the time.
We've never met anyone who could remember the name of the prime minister after Thailand's first election on Nov 15, 1933.* However, the country had to wait 42 years for the first prime minister elected in unarguably democratic fashion -- MR Kukrit Pramoj. He served a year and a month in 1975-76 before he had to resign because the price of eggs had reached the astounding price of 1 baht each. Hollywood's Ugly American (1963) star in real life also told the actual Americans (1976) to take their warplanes and get out.
As with coups, the number of elections is always disputed. Do you count Voldemort's crooked and voided 2006 vote? The 2014 "Respect My Vote" nonsense where The Kamnan upset the female leader's applecart? So let's say the next election will be the 28th but remain tolerant for those who have a different number.
It's not necessary to detail the military (and for a few years police) political chicanery to note the single astounding fact of Thai elections. From 1933 to the uprooted vote of 2014, foreign observers every time have labelled the actual vote free and fair. No election scandal has ever been detected at national level.
Our old friend, the breakfast-buying diplomat, laughs that Thailand is the living proof of the cliched dichotomy: You can't have democracy without free elections, but you sure as heck can have free elections without any resulting democracy.
* Phraya Phahonphonphayuhasena, born Phot Phahonyothin, served, Prayut-like, from June 21, 1933, to Dec 16, 1938.