Time flies. Things change and more people around me leave this world year after year. Since the start of the New Year, I have been feeling down because birthday reminders and "Like" notifications have been popping up on the Facebook and Instagram pages of my deceased friends. Though some of these "friends" were just co-workers, and some others distant relatives who had never met me in person, I felt uncomfortable with such untimely reminders.
All these deceased friends passed away at least five years ago, but their Facebook and Instagram accounts remain active and birthday reminders continue. Therefore, I believe their immediate family might not even know they had FB and IG accounts or that they had no idea about their passwords and how to delete, deactivate or transfer the accounts. My assumption is based on my decision to never be Facebook friends with my immediate family but to let them know about my accounts.
Certain social-network sites, such as Facebook, have policies related to death, while deceased people's accounts on other sites remain dormant until deleted due to inactivity or having been transferred to family or friends. Without good management tools or public awareness of how to handle the situation, accounts of deceased users will finally outnumber those of active users.
In my opinion, the matter of privacy and respect makes many users, including me, reluctant to react when it comes to deceased people's accounts. Many questions emerge. For instance, should the deceased's pages remain accessible? Should others interact on such pages?
In the case of Facebook, a dead user's family members or close relatives can change that user's profile into a memorial, "a place where people can save and share their memories of those who've passed". In order to memorialise a deceased's account, a special contact form must be filled out and submitted by both family and non-family members. Proof of death must be provided.
Memorialising a profile involves: the deceased no longer showing up in the "Suggestions" box on the right-hand side of the home page; the privacy setting altered so that only confirmed friends can view the profile and search for it; contact information and status updates removed; an inability for anyone to log into the account.
Nonetheless, some people come up with questions on what types of information should be made private. Many doubt whether relatives should be able to access and reply to the deceased's messages, and how they can deal with negative comments.
Alternatively, family and non-family can request the deletion of the user's account, resulting in complete removal of data.
Meanwhile, Twitter only allows account deactivation for the deceased. Family members are required to submit a formal request and a copy of the death certificate to Twitter's Trust and Safety department.
As for Instagram, verified immediate family members may request the removal of the deceased's account by submitting a request for removal and proof of their relationship, such as the birth or death certificate.
Generally, people unfriend or unfollow others on Facebook and Instagram partly due to lack of communication. From time to time, people announce their intent to unfriend strangers or friends of friends who have never or hardly communicated with them since accepting their friendship. Those who reach the maximum of 5,000 friends have to unfriend acquaintances to make space for new ones. Once a year, I clean up my friends list by focusing on strangers and acquaintances who post nothing or never react to my postings.
Whenever a social-network friend leaves the real world, the question is whether I should unfollow, hide or unfriend him/her. The major reason I sometimes want to unfollow, hide or unfriend the deceased is that I want to suppress my sorrow. However, I can never do it, because I wish to keep good memories and I care about the feelings of the family and friends.
Although I have bad feelings whenever seeing birthday reminders and "Like" notifications from pages of the deceased, I continued to keep them as social-network friends for good or until their accounts were deleted. The decision was inspired by one of my friends' annual Facebook postings wishing a deceased friend a happy birthday. After his posting, some friends commented: "With respect, you may not know she is dead." That friend replied: "I know, but want to celebrate my kind-hearted friend's fruitful life on her birthday every year. Should we not feel happy to have had a good friend like her?" This kind of optimistic perception is rare, and I consider it a blessing.
Pichaya Svasti is a travel writer of the Life section of the Bangkok Post.