Sweltering summer syndromes
published : 24 Apr 2015 at 06:00
newspaper section: Guru
You know it's hot outside when the only thought occupying your brain is how hot it is outside. No matter how many times the temperatures soar and make you feel like you're trapped in an inferno filled with lava, it never seems to get easier to tolerate. In honour of all the sweat stains taking over the city, here are some other effects that occur when the sweltering summer makes its unwanted presence known:
1. Your co-workers tailor their astute "It's cold"/"It's raining"/"It's windy" observations to the more dramatic and screechy "OMG, it's so hot!"/"I can't even walk outside without sweating!"/"So, so, so hot, I'm melting!"/"It's too hot to work!" (Although they do use this last excuse with most weather conditions.)
2. However, on the bright side, this scorching weather gives your colleagues ample opportunity to point out if your skin got darker from the sun and/or if you got fatter from all the ice cream you've been eating to cool down.
3. You've only been eating lots of ice cream because this warmth means you're popping into 7-Eleven a lot more to stick your sweaty face in its various fridges and freezers. After using the store to take refuge from the heat, it would be wrong to leave without treating yourself to a Cornetto.
4. If you're so unlucky to be outside in Satan's warm embrace, you've found that you do appreciate the slight gust of wind created by a bus or motorcycle whizzing past you. At least there are some benefits to their maniacal driving when it comes to this blistering heat.
5. Those who drive their own cars have learned to sit with half their butt hanging off the chair (especially when wearing shorts) because the burn of the scorching seat is too much to bear. Similarly, you also know to gingerly touch the steering wheel if your car has been left out in the sun.
6. The same caution applies when sitting on public benches, touching poles and grazing anything metal/steel outside. Ouch.
7. You do try your best to protect yourself, though, by turning anything into a makeshift shield against the sun. From umbrellas to purses, magazines, paper bags, wallets and your own two hands, all can be used as an atmospheric armour.
8. While your articles of clothing are minimised, you wonder how people such as construction workers, policemen and motorcycle drivers are able to stand being fully covered in long-sleeve shirts, scarves and thick boots.
9. At the same time, you wish certain people – you know the kind – would cover up a bit more. We know it's hot, but that doesn't mean all bellies and other unsightly bits need to be exposed.
10. You find yourself often hoping that the extreme temperature means you get to stay home from work or school. Sure, it hasn't happened yet, but there's no reason you can't dream. In the meantime, there's always a friend's pool to splash around in and forget about the heat. Until the soles of your bare feet get scorched by the floor… G
Former Guru Editor
Our Guru section former editor. She has writen numerous features the metro lifestyle section.