Verbal abuse can hurt, and those whom society labels as kathoey are only too aware of the barbs. But the narrow minds are slowly opening and the derogatory sense of the word is no longer quite as nasty.
Pompam, co-host of the popular “Toey Thiew Thai” travel show, says gaining public acceptance of the third gender should not be rushed. Photos by Pornprom Satrabhaya
Not long ago, gays and kathoeys, men with an outwardly feminine appearance, feared being rejected by family, friends and colleagues. This compelled them to keep their same-sex relationships a secret.
Times have changed and more gays and kathoeys are appearing in the public spotlight in more pertinent ways. Activists, meanwhile, are calling for the right of the third gender to be recognised by law, as is occurring in so many countries now.
In Thailand, however, not everyone of the third gender is keen on the idea of “going all the way” with equality as they feel adequate and comfortable with the status quo. They do not wish to be seen as pushing too hard as it could spark social enmity against them.
Sharing the sentiment is Niti “Pompam” Chaichitathorn, media personality and co-host of the hit travel show Toey Thiew Thai (Kathoeys Travel Thailand), aired every Sunday on digital television.
The light-hearted, weekly show features Pompam and two cross-dresser co-hosts — Thatchakorn “Godji” Bunyalapayanant and Kittipat “Golf” Chalarak — who openly address themselves and one another as kathoey. The reference is unassuming and delivered with ease, on a par with straights calling themselves and their friends “guys” or “girls”.
Pompam said “kathoey” is just a word created to describe the third gender. However, it cannot define who they really are inside, or their talents.
“I am totally okay with being called a kathoey. Even I call myself and my co-hosts that every now and then during the show,” he said.
Pompom, however, disapproved of some new sub-terms that allude to kathoeys, such as keng (dominant gays) and kwang (gay queens). “I find them disturbing because they are based on the physical sexual positions a person has with his partner. I think there is no need to be so specific about what you call others,” he said.
Certain terms cut too deep into a person’s sexuality and private life. “So, I think just the word ‘kathoey’ or ‘toot’ [transvestite] will suffice.”
“We don’t have to invent fancy words with which to call ourselves. It is unwise and quite a waste of time,” he said.
In one television interview, Pompam explained that people spend only a fraction of their time having sex. Whom they have sex with, whether it is a man, a woman or the third gender, defines one’s gender. He sees no point in letting five minutes of sex decide what he can do for himself and society, or how well he does it. There are more important preoccupations which can make and keep one happy.
He is also taken aback by a question his female friends often whisper in their circles when they come across a good-looking man. He finds the “Phen Pa? (is he gay?) question perplexing.
In the nutshell, the question is really to ask if the man goes to bed with another man, which can be very prying, even if it goes unspoken. Besides, Pompam joked, a man, whether gay or not, would not find a woman whose attitude is reflected by such a question interesting in any way.
However, Pompam said, words do not hurt the feelings as much as actions do. When Pompam was in high school, he once confronted a male teacher who was less than pleased with his visibly feminine behaviour.
“I remember it was during break. My teacher dragged me out of the classroom and pushed me to the ground. He asked me to stop acting like a girl, and in a rage he started beating me.
“If it were that easy, I would have stopped being a toot long ago,” he said.
“You have to understand this: You just cannot fix being a toot.”
Throughout his childhood he excelled in his studies. He attended classes regularly and never gambled or used drugs. He also never let his parents down.
The 34-year-old TV host is no stranger to showbiz. He is head of the creative group at Bang Channel, GMM Grammy, where he has worked for 10 years since graduating from Chulalongkorn University with a bachelor of arts, majoring in Pali and Sanskrit. While working, he went on to study for his master’s degree in Communication Arts at the same university.
The first episode of his Teoy Thiew Thai received overwhelming feedback with more than 100,000 views in the first five days after it was uploaded onto YouTube. The pull of the show, now into its fourth year, has a lot to do with Pompam’s outspokenness and sense of humour, complemented by the on-screen chemistry of his co-hosts — Godji’s sharp wit and Golf’s gentle charm.
Today, more than 900,000 people follow him and his two co-hosts on the show’s Facebook page.
Despite the show’s popularity, Pompam said it comes as no indication of people’s greater acceptance of the third gender.
Going back to his school years, he used to wonder whether there is space left in the world for him just because he acted differently from other boys in his class. He occasionally asked himself: “Is my behaviour really that offensive to other people?”
Pompam pointed most kathoeys are bullied when they are young — mostly by kids at school. But as they grow up, many learn to become stronger psychologically and wiser.
Nonetheless, people still make fun of those who are different. But that will not cause them emotional pain if they do not allow it. Personally, he has the option of ignoring “the pebbles in his shoes” that get him down.
“Being a kathoey is neither an illness nor an abnormality. We are also human beings,” he said.
While a recent Supreme Court ruling in the US, which legalised the marriages of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender couples, is a cause for celebration, Pompam said Thailand has a long battle ahead in the fight for equality for the third gender. Religious taboos and traditional beliefs against people who are “neither man nor woman” run deep in society, especially in remote areas, Pompam said.
“I have been told that being gay is a sin due to mistakes we committed in our past lives.
“By that very logic, I am now living this life of a toot to atone for my past karma,” he said, bursting into laughter.
Even though Thai society is much more open to homosexuality than it was in the past — and for that reason, many gay people are drawn into the open — Pompam stops short of saying the door has swung wide open for members of the third gender.
For one thing, no law recognises gay rights. However, for LGBT members to come out in force and be vocal in their campaign for recognition on paper may not be the right time just yet.
While it is true that gay people enjoy relative freedom to live and play in Thailand, if they rise up and start rallying on the streets to demand the government grant them this and that right, they will just upset people who traditionally do not have a grudge against them. That could create a bloc opposed to the gay community, he said.
To resolve sensitive issues with potentially powerful social ramifications, the key is to take it one step at a time. “In reality, other Thai people just tolerate gays, but they do not truly accept us,” he said.
Pompam feels the lack of fundamental rights for the third gender could cause more problems as time goes by, especially in employment. There have been complaints from some kathoey professionals about being turned down for a job on the basis of their sexuality.
“In job recruitment, one has to put aside gender bias. Gender should not become a crucial factor in deciding employment. We have to admit that in some work areas, gays are better than straight men,” he said.
Even though the third gender in Thailand has a long way to go to obtain legal recognition from the authorities, Pompam is confident more positive changes are on the horizon.
“Let’s wait because revolution takes time,” Pompam said.
