The seriousness of bullying among schoolchildren was brought into sharp focus recently, after a 13-year-old boy shot his classmate, killing him at their school. The young shooter claimed that this was in retribution for the bullying he had suffered at the hands of his dead classmate, who used to hit him, call him gay and otherwise shame him in front of others.
In another incident, an 11-year-old girl tried to commit suicide by hanging herself in the school toilet. Her father reported that she had been bullied and teased, sometimes violently, for being poor and having dark skin.
Many people still try to pass off bullying among the young, whether it be teasing or fighting, as simply child's play. But, as can be seen from these two incidents which happened just last month, bullying can lead to devastating outcomes, especially when the problem is allowed to escalate without proper intervention from adults.
According to statistics, about one-third of children suffer from bullying, says adolescent medicine specialist Dr Jiraporn Arunakul from Ramathibodi Hospital.
"Many children feel they have no way out, and the adults in their lives can sometimes be unreliable. When adult assistance and intervention is ineffective, some [in extreme circumstances] run away from home. Some fight back, even using weapons. Some choose to put up with it. But bullying doesn't just affect the victims, it also affects the bullies themselves," said Dr Jiraporn. One in eight bullies grow up to become criminals in adulthood, she explained.
A child may be bullied for many reasons: physical appearance, family background, gender identity and expression, and others. But what makes a child start bullying another? There are actually a number of potential contributing factors.
"Some children enjoy bullying. They will have seen adults playing pranks or teasing children, then laughing, and think it's a fun thing that they can do too," explained Dr Jiraporn. "Some lack empathy and understanding of things like diversity. Society teaches them strict standards they have to adhere to. Girls have to be white and pretty, for example, and if anyone strays from these standards, then children may see them as abnormal, and start teasing them as a result."
Some kids may feel powerless and oppressed at home and so decide to exercise their power at school. They bully others to feel better about themselves. For others, bullying may stem from personal or mental shortcomings, such as a short attention span, impaired social skills or lack of self control. They don't know how to play or socialise with others, and compensate by teasing or playing pranks.
When faced with school bullying, teachers and parents tend to respond with a punishment. Dr Jiraporn says this is generally ineffective. Punishment may scare the bully into ceasing their actions temporarily, but most will soon revert to bullying, some to a worse degree than before. This can then result in the victims being so intimidated that they stop telling others about the bullying for fear of making things worse for themselves.
"In that situation, teachers think the problem is solved. But in reality, the kids just don't dare to speak up anymore," she said.
So, it's not only victims that need help, but also bullies. To really get them to change their behaviour, it is crucial to find what is causing it in the first place.
First and foremost, this needs to start at home. Children must be taught to have empathy and respect for diversity and the rights of others.
"Bullying is a violation of people's rights," Dr Jiraporn stressed. "We need to teach children that if they bully a classmate, even though they might enjoy it, the other person doesn't, and it is a violation."
Parents have to set examples and not be bullies themselves.
"Some parents call their kids names like 'fatty', for example. The children would then come to see this as normal."
With schools being places where children spend a major part of their day and also where bullying usually takes place, they must play a leading role. Ideally, schools need to have a clear policy that they won't tolerate any form of bullying, with proper rules and guidelines in place to systematically help troubled children. Students that bully others need to be assessed to find out why they behave in this way. A system should also be implemented where victims or witnesses of bullying can safely report incidents to teachers.
Some schools in Thailand have already implemented some of these measures. One is Wat Preng School, a state-run primary school with around 400 students in Samut Prakan.
Nakarin Aeknigron, a teacher from the school's student welfare department, said that bullying does occur within the school grounds, but this is mostly teasing and calling others names -- nothing too serious, though there are "a lot of small cases" to solve. When incidents take place, student welfare and homeroom teachers step in.
"We don't punish them, but rather reason with them and explain that their actions upset others. Then we get them to apologise," said Nakarin. "Should things get out of hand, we take it to the school director and invite the parents to come to the school to inform them and try to work out a solution together."
The students are generally empathetic, he said, and this can be fostered. There are "third gender" students, as well as students with autism and Down's syndrome, all studying together in the school. Students are encouraging and understanding of their peers. LGBTI students are accepted.
Since the shooting and suicide attempt made headlines, Nakain said the school director Prawatpong Rodklang had a talk with the entire school, encouraging students to play nicely with one another, teachers to educate them how and parents to increase supervision at home.
However, looking out for students today shouldn't stop at the playground or classroom, Nakarin continued. Teacher supervision may now have to extend to social media, especially chat groups on applications like Facebook and Line.
"We may not allow children to bring their phones to school, but once they go home, they go online and converse in chat groups, where troubles sometimes manifest."
Some of the problems he has found include anything from fighting, using vulgar words, jealousy, sharing pornography and others. We need to remind ourselves we're talking about primary schoolchildren here.
When such things happen, Nakarin says that well-meaning students usually inform him and invite him into the group, where he will then try to teach them how to use social media properly and prevent the problem from escalating.
Dr Jiraporn approves, saying that friends and witnesses to bullying may be more important than some realise when it comes to dealing with these issues. They can step in to protect the victims and report to teachers.
Ever since the aforementioned high-profile incidents took place, society has been pointing fingers at the usual scapegoats, such as video games and other media, for turning kids violent.
"Everything in a child's surroundings has an effect on them," Dr Jiraporn explained. "This includes video games. There have been studies suggesting that games can influence a child's tendency to become violent. However, this doesn't mean all games affect everyone the same way."
In addition to games, violence on TV and in films may serve to normalise it in children's eyes.
The last frontier is social media.
"Children today grow up in a society where people can freely make hurtful comments online. How can they not absorb that?"
Others blame it all on weapons. And while Dr Jiraporn refrained from commenting on whether it is too easy for people to access firearms, she did imply that they are not the cause of violence.
"It's rather straightforward. If adults have easy access to weapons, so will children," she said.
DEALING WITH BULLYING
The following are some suggestions by Dr Jiraporn for adults to help children cope with bullying:
Listen to what children have to say and how they feel. Don't listen only to tell them what to do.
Don't pass bullying off as a small issue or tell them to simply put up with it. Bullying shouldn't be tolerated.
Always reassure them that they can rely on adults.
Ask them how they think they should handle the problem and allow them, within reason, to try their solutions. Make them realise they have a choice. Let them try to solve it first.
Take the necessary actions when children can no longer feel they can handle it.
