The dirt track up to the brow of the hill is deeply rutted, the motorcycle bouncing from one furrow to another. I have milliseconds to map out a path through this muddy obstacle course.
But over the brow of the hill, with pineapple fields filling my peripheral vision, the path becomes smoother. Too smooth; a sheen of mud covers the uneven terrain beneath. And that's when the back wheel begins to slide and I struggle to keep the bike upright. I am on the brink of a serious injury. Or at the least, looking profoundly stupid.
There is a glorious paradox in motorcycling. On one hand it is deeply peaceful, almost meditative, all one's attention on the present moment, a sensational smorgasbord, the wind on the skin, the multiple shades of green, the jolting vibration and the roar of the engine. On the other, it is carnal, thrilling and dangerous -- a primeval lust to conquer and control, a high-stakes dance with death.
Thailand has the second-most dangerous roads in the world, according to the World Health Organization, of the 24,000 estimated to die each year, 73% are on two wheels.
And yet… this exposure to danger and the elements, the sensory appreciation of beauty, the feeling of discovery… it's a true peak experience. And there are few more beautiful places to have this experience than Prachuap Khiri Khan.
Our weekend jaunt starts at a bland motel south of Hua Hin with rain in the air; our first stop is Rajabhakti Park. The seven statues of Thai kings, from King Ramkhamhaeng to King Chulalongkorn, are quite impressive; the gargantuan godfathers of Thai history, stern and resolute in their towering majesty.
After that, the fun begins, as the 10 bikes head into the picture-postcard rolling hills and twisting rural roads. At the first pit stop, the biker camaraderie bubbles up over khao tom. It's a merry bunch, with the kind of characters you might expect to choose a weekend on two wheels… and some you might not. Janejira "Joy" Suwannasing is a Kawasaki executive during the week and a biker on the weekend.
"On a bike, you feel free," purrs Joy. "You can touch nature. And the friendship that grows between the riders is really special."
Khemarat "Khem" Suthamwat is closer to the stereotypical biker: affable but gruff, his face a little weather-beaten, his body language confident if not menacing. He has been riding since the age of 13.
"At an early age, I learned how to ride fast and ride safe," he says in a gritty, matter-of-fact voice. "I still do it at every opportunity. It gives me a feeling of freedom -- I can feel good. My motorbike is my best friend."
Big bikes are booming in Thailand. Sales of models bigger than 400cc shot up more than 100% in 2012 and 2013. The rate of growth has slowed since, but is still clocking over 25% per year. Twenty-five thousand new big bikes hit Thai roads in 2016 and Thailand has become a manufacturing hub for export, with 115,000 assembled last year; the Versys-X 300 models most of us are riding this weekend were built in Kawasaki's factory across the Gulf of Thailand in Pluak Daeng, Rayong.
"Motorbikes are convenient in crowded big cities," says Khem, "but they're also a more fuel-efficient way to explore tourist attractions off the beaten track. And in Thailand, you can ride them all year round."
After another 20km and a herd of goats to navigate around, we reach Pran Buri Dam. It was built in 1978 to protect the lowlands to the east from flooding, but the 35km² lake -- home to carp, catfish, snakehead fish and jungle perch -- has become a tourist attraction. It is breathtakingly serene -- as soon as we switch the engines off and until Joy begins broadcasting our adventure on Facebook Live.
After the dam, the road ends and we hit the dirt. It's muddy, it's messy and it's exhilarating. For off-road virgins like me, it's also a tad terrifying. I'm quite relieved when we return to the tarmac and head south to Kuiburi Wild Elephant Reserve.
As we arrive at the base station, the heavens open and we are reminded that yes, this is rainy season. It's good timing, because bikes aren't allowed in the park. Instead, we pile into the back of pickups for glimpses of the park's 300 wild elephants and one of Thailand's largest populations of gaurs, the world's largest bovine mammal, also known as the Indian bison. There is an indisputable thrill in seeing these creatures in the wild and phones and DSLR cameras are snatched out of backpacks and biker jacket pockets, shielded from the drenching rain by plastic bags or anything else rain-resistant to hand. The park also contains golden jackals, leopards and langurs, although wisely they kept out of our way.
The elephant cemetery at park headquarters is a good reminder that the park is more than a tourist attraction. According to the World Wildlife Fund, the illegal wildlife trade is a US$20 billion (668 billion baht) industry -- the fourth largest illicit trading type behind narcotics, people and counterfeit goods. Thailand is the second largest illegal ivory market in the world -- after China -- although most of it isn't from Thai elephants; 20,000 African elephants are poached every year and a lot of their ivory is trafficked through the Kingdom. Despite an attempted crackdown, the trade -- and the busts -- continue.
The rain stops just in time for the next leg of our trip -- a 50km ride east to Sam Phraya beach, a peaceful strip of white sand and pine trees. As dusk falls, we settle down for a barbecue on the sand. Make that a feast -- there's tom yum talay, yum wun sen, a variety of steamed fish and platters of watermelon, mango and plenty of locally-grown pineapple. There are also thousands of mosquitoes -- swarms as thick as I've ever had the misfortune to encounter -- and we beat a hasty retreat to the tents before they've enjoyed their own beachside banquet.
The next morning, we're up at 5.30 for a spot of predawn aerobics. After a 10-minute ride through the darkness, we scramble up to Khao Daeng, or Red Mountain, one of the most storied peaks of Khao Sam Roi Yot National Park. Not all riders share the same fitness level, so it's more of a challenge for a couple of us to be on two legs rather than two wheels and it's not made any easier than the sheer rocks left slippery by morning drizzle. But finally we reach one of the finest viewpoints I've seen in Thailand, a panorama of the Gulf and the park's picturesque tableau of peaks. Some locals say the name 300 Peaks, Sam Roi Yot, is actually an adulteration of the original name, Sam Roi Lot -- 300 Escaped Death -- after the number of people saved when a ship carrying refugees was wrecked off the coast several hundred years ago. Hey, it's a legend -- who cares if it's actually true?
The sunrise itself is rather a damp squib -- mostly hidden behind a bank of grey clouds. But now that it's light, the descent reveals some of the park's amazing flora -- in particular, cacti with a remarkable similarity to snakes. The park contains 300 bird species and the wildlife includes Malayan porcupines and barking deer. Most in evidence were the hordes of cheeky, mischievous macaques, some of whom were using our bikes as a jungle gym when we arrived back in the car park.
After breakfast back on the beach, we shoot some formation riding, the bikes clustered close together behind a pickup with a cameraman in the bay and a drone camera overhead. I've never ridden quite so close behind another vehicle so it's quite unnerving. But the shots turn out great.
From here we hug the coastline for a 35km ride north to Pak Nam Pran, where we celebrate the completion of our 200km tour with a delectable seafood smorgasbord.
It's been wet and at times strenuous and uncomfortable. It's also been exhilarating, playful and joyous. Adventure motorcycling is not the easiest or safest way to explore Thailand. But it is probably the most fun and intense. And it sure as hell beats sitting on a bus.
For video of the story, go to bangkokpost.com/vdo For e-paper readers, visit goo.gl/cw2eT1.
Views are magnificent across the Pran Buri Dam. Les
Bikers scan the horizon from Sam Phraya beach. DAVE KENDALL
Prachuap Khiri Khan has plenty of dirt tracks for the offroad enthusiast. Les
