It's Oscar time again and as usual Hollywood is ignoring exciting Thai productions. Here are a few that caught the eye:
Battle of the Gulf: Dramatic big-budget seafaring tale when a lone Thai submarine on its first mission takes on an invading armada of man-of-war jellyfish in the Gulf of Thailand. Fine supporting cast includes porpoises, crabs and red snapper. Includes classic line: "What's a periscope?" Intriguing cameo role by aircraft carrier without any aircraft.
The Axe Aunties: Fear grips Bangkok's streets as two middle-aged ladies roam the city axing any illegally parked vehicles. Matters come to a head when they slash the tyres of a VIP's limousine parked outside the Happy Ending Massage Parlour. Messy climax features plenty of vitamin soap bubbles. Not for the children.
Time Machine: A sam lor driver is accused of being "unusually wealthy" when he is spotted wearing a fake Rolex watch. His explanation that he "borrowed it from a friend" is dismissed as "absurd". However, in a dramatic twist, Bangkok socialite, Edith Clampton (Mrs), steps forward and explains that she loaned the watch to the driver in lieu of the fare after she took a ride and had forgotten her purse on board.
The Leopard Hunter: A disturbing mystery in which a rare leopard and other protected wildlife species are found shot in a national park. But who is responsible? Investigators are faced by a wall of silence. Is it a big cover-up? Unconvincing ending reveals the culprit is a local mushroom picker. A bit too predictable.
Big Mango Meltdown: Panic grips Bangkok when the smartphone network breaks down sending the whole city into a state of disarray. Particularly harrowing scenes on the BTS when, clutching their lifeless phones, distraught passengers contemplate a grim future of having to talk to one another.
While we're in the mood …
Raiders of the Lost Park: Environmentalists search for the last bit of greenery in Bangkok. Featuring corpulent businessmen, concrete mixers, cranes and half-built condominiums. Realistic, but utterly depressing.
Bridge Too Far: In this offbeat comedy, police arrest a dozen elderly bridge-players and charge them with playing cards "without due care and attention". More entertaining is a follow-up raid on the lawn bowls society in which two ladyboy lawn bowlers are accused of playing with "an offensive weapon".
Heartbreak Hotel: An entertaining tale featuring a Russian tourist, Mr Boris, who accompanies Miss Noi for a romantic interlude at the Dancing Cockroach Hotel, only to discover that Miss Noi is actually Mr Noi. Amusing scenes at the police station, including a cameo appearance by Sgt Nop as the arresting officer, ensue.
The Big Sleep: Follows a day in the life of officials who have been transferred to inactive posts. After a slow start, action picks up when someone finally yawns. Some first-rate snoring. Slow motion scenes seem a bit redundant.
Those were the days
Thai films have certainly come a long way over the years. In the old days I travelled to the provinces at any opportunity and often found myself at a local cinema in a small town watching Thai productions just to kill a couple of hours.
The offerings were broadly of two types. The most popular were the romantic comedies in which at some stage the two stars eventually fall, or are pushed, into a khlong, prompting much mirth among the audience. Even better if it happens twice. Henpecked husbands being hit on the head by frying pans also went down very well.
Then there were the cop films, featuring a clean-cut good guy with a neat haircut taking on balding baddies with mean moustaches and menacing laughs worthy of pantomime villains. But none of them could shoot straight.
Grim and grimmer
I recently took a look at what sci-fi films from the past were set in 2018 to get an idea of what filmmakers imagined we might experience this year. It is not cheerful viewing. These are all genuine films.
Probably the most well-known set this year is Rollerball (1975), remember that? It's the one with lots of citizens hurtling around a stadium on roller skates crashing into people they don't like -- almost a metaphor for life this year.
Less appealing is Brick Mansions (2014) which features a dystopian Detroit this year. One area is only populated by hardened criminals and a huge wall is built around it to protect the other citizens. One wonders if Donald Trump might have seen this one.
Iron Sky (2012) has possibly the most ridiculous plot. A group of Nazis who fled to the Moon in 1945, return in this year and conquer Earth. Well, you never know, these days anything is possible.
Then there is I Spit On Your Rave (2009), in which the King of the Zombies arranges a 2018 music festival to entertain the living dead. Not exactly Woodstock, but it's encouraging to know that zombies need their music too.
Grin and bear it
A final word on the Oscars from Scottish actor John Niven.
"I love watching the Oscars and seeing everybody stating all that 'it's an honour just to be nominated' rubbish. Then you see their faces when the split screen comes up as the winner is announced -- the losers are all smiling through gritted teeth and looking as if they've just swallowed half a pound of sour plums."
Let's just hope they announce the correct winner this year.
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