Living in the tropics probably explains why I tend to enjoy reading books and watching films set in places where really cold weather prevails. It must be that perverse, but comforting, feeling that once you step outside the cinema or put down the book you are immediately back in the more friendly temperatures of the tropics again.
That's why I enjoyed Leonardo Di Caprio sloshing his way through all those blizzards, freezing streams and grappling grizzly bears in The Revenant. Then there was Francis McDormand in Fargo, keeping an ice-cool head as a pregnant cop while tracking down bad guys in snowy Minnesota. And part of the appeal of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo was watching Daniel Craig looking visibly uncomfortable in the unforgiving Swedish winter.
Minnesota is also the chilly stomping ground for one of my favourite crime writers, John Sanford, who in his Prey series comes up with wonderful images of the harsh conditions which make me shiver even while tucked up in bed.
However, I had never read much about Greenland until US President Donald Trump announced last week that it might be a nice piece of real estate to add to his collection. As Mr Trump seems at his most comfortable in tropical Florida, maybe he too finds thinking about cold places has a kind of therapeutic value. However, judging from the less than enthusiastic response to his proposal, it doesn't look like Mr Trump will be playing golf in the Land of the Midnight Sun anytime soon.
As a kid, I puzzled over why a place covered in ice was called Greenland. Apparently, we can blame it on a 10th century Norwegian called Erik the Red. After committing murder in Iceland, he was exiled and ended up in one of the few green spots on the biggest island in the world. So he called it Greenland, hoping to attract more settlers. It didn't really work as Greenland's total population today is only about 56,000, a quarter of whom live in the capital, Nuuk.
Ipanema on ice
Over the years Greenland has shown up in a surprising number of songs. They are invariably about whaling or, more recently, climate change, as in Mary Chapin Carpenter's The Age of Miracles, in which we learn "Greenland is melting, the West is on fire".
One of the more intriguing titles is Shaft in Greenland, a song by an American punk group splendidly named The Dead Milkmen. We are informed that "He (Shaft) was big and bad and travelled to a land where it always snowed/And nobody got a tan."
Then there is the B-52s hit, Girl From Ipanema Goes to Greenland, which is definitely not about whaling or climate change, but it does have a terrific title.
One of the most popular numbers highlighting Greenland is an old seafaring song with the awkward-sounding title Greenland Whales Fisheries. Among those who have recorded the song are the Pogues and the Dubliners. The final verse reads in part:
"Well, Greenland is a barren land/A land that bares no green/Where there's ice and snow, and whalefishes blow/And the daylight's seldom seen…"
Thai spice
By some quirk, Thailand and Greenland are mentioned in the same line of a song by Canadian folk singer Hank Snow. It was the time many versions of I've Been Everywhere came out. Originally Australian, Everywhere featured someone boasting about all the places they had visited. So we hear "I've been to Wollongong, Geelong, Kurrajong, Mullumbimby, Mittagong..." and so on.
Snow wrote a spoof entitled, I Ain't Been Anywhere, listing the places he hadn't been to. The lyrics include "I ain't seen…. Thailand, Ireland, Iceland, Greenland…"
Surprisingly the kingdom has a strong presence in Greenland thanks to the ubiquitous Thai restaurants. The Charoen Porn in the capital and Ban Thai in Qaqortoq are highly regarded and a spicy Thai soup definitely works wonders in those frigid conditions. Goodness knows how the Thai staff survive the weather. My wife starts shivering when the temperature drops to 25C.
The paper boy
Coming from England, I know what it's like to feel cold, although it is still mild compared to Greenland. I worked on a newspaper round as a teenager in the 1960s and do not have fond memories of the winter months. It took considerable willpower to rise in darkness at 6am in the depths of winter, particularly in a house with no central heating. The first five minutes were spent hovering over the gas stove trying to thaw out.
One Sunday, when the papers were particularly heavy and the road like an ice rink, I fell off the bike, sending copies of The News of the World, Sunday Times and Sunday Express scattering into the slush. It was not a pretty sight. Thank goodness Thailand's roads don't get icy. Just imagine … no don't, it's too scary for words.
Frosty reception
The coldest weather I ever experienced was in Turkey and Iran during an overland trip back in 1969. In the unlikely event you wish to learn the grim details, I am pleased to say that Asia Books have got a fresh supply of The Long Winding Road to Nakhon Nowhere. Apologies for the sneaky plug.
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