Feelings of sadness accompany any death, even if that person is a stranger. Last month, I came across a story about the passing of a woman on social media that saddened me but made me feel glad as well.
The story concerned a 42-year-old dentist named Mor Orn who suffered from lung cancer for almost three years and died last month. But, what interested me is the way her journey to depart this world was narrated with insight by her brother.
According to his post, the beautiful dentist, also a mother with one young daughter, had spent her remaining time preparing everything for the last day of her life. She made a will, wrote a farewell diary, chose her own coffin, practised meditation, and asked for forgiveness from those who might have hard feelings with her.
One month before her death, she said she was ready to go. Her condition deteriorated to the point where her family was called to exchange their last words with her. But she refused the doctor's advice to give her terminal sedation to lessen her pain and allow her to die in her sleep.
She cried, saying that she didn't want to die yet and that she needed more time to come to terms with it. She sadly asked her brother whether she had only one day left in this world and she would only give her decision on the next day.
This is where her brother pointed out one of the most-frequently mistaken truths that explained her unexpected denial -- that the brain and the mind are actually different parts.
"Despite all the torture she had to endure and the semi-conscious state she was in, her mind deep down wouldn't let her go. It was still possessing her body," he wrote.
He explained a Buddhist belief in the cycle of death and rebirth that he learned from his meditation masters. It states that the quality of the mind before death is very important as it can affect the nature of rebirth; the more calm and prepared a person is the better their rebirth is considered to be.
That's why the constant practice of maranasati, or mindfulness of death or death awareness, plays a big role in preventing negative emotions such as fear, agitation and confusion that are common at the time of death, not to mention the inevitable pain from the eventual breakdown of the body during the dying process.
Mor Orn had earlier practised maranasati meditation for a year in hopes that it would help her leave this world peacefully. But, when she was in critical condition, she told her brother that it was very difficult to stay mindful and let go of everything through the pain.
At last, Mor Orn agreed to get the terminal sedation. Her husband was by her side holding her hand along the way to her last moment.
For me, this is a sorrowful story with a good ending and I believe that Mor Orn must be living somewhere in a happy realm now. I also felt thankful to her brother for sharing her experiences and offering some wisdom that I believe can inspire many to change their perspectives on mortality and turn to live their lives in a more meaningful way.
Mindfulness of death is a specialised contemplative practice in mostly Buddhist circles. It has been taught at many meditation retreats by Buddhist monks and volunteer groups, with the aim to help reduce fear of death and also anxiety about the death of our loved ones.
However, the practice has many other benefits that are now recognised in Western psychology. Last year, research by a group of experts from Boston College and the University of Virginia in the US showed that coming to terms with death is essential to living life fully.
A year earlier, a preliminary study at Dongguk University in Korea concluded that the practice could induce mortality salience which, in the context of terror management theory, is found to have many positive psychological effects.
They include decreased attachment to material things, increased acts of charity, enhanced compassion for others, deepened appreciation of the intrinsic value of life, and a sense of peace about dying.
Considering all the good points, I think that it will not be an exaggeration to say that the maranasati practice can help turn us into better people.
Looking at today's chaotic society where many people are busy hating, hurting and cheating each other, I only wish that they will soon come to their senses and ask themselves whether they're wasting their valuable time on things that would only keep their peace of mind at bay.
Death isn't a distant matter as we can't know when our last moment will come. But, we can choose to have a good death only if we pave the way for it.
Patcharawalai Sanyanusin is a writer for the Life section of the Bangkok Post.