It's not our fault, we're not to blame, the regulations are unreasonable, we will sue for damages!
The petty complaining that has made a farce of Thailand's futsal dreams may be the joke of the moment but it symbolises all that is wrong with the kingdom's ability to be taken seriously on the world stage.
The reasoning by Bangkok Governor Sukhumbhand Paribatra that Fifa refused to use the newly completed Bangkok Futsal Arena because of a lack of VIP rooms imparts Thai logic and face-saving tactics to an international organisation that does not stand to gain from playing ball.
Fifa maintains that the stadium does not meet safety standards, while Deputy Prime Minister Chumpol Silpa-archa claims the arena, built in Nong Chok, breaks Fifa's rules of keeping stadiums within 30 minutes of the players' accommodation.
Whatever the reason, the fact remains that the stadium is not in use. Nothing will change that, and I am sure the Bangkok governor knows that. But like all politicians this has not stopped him from taking this opportunity to build an image for himself as the embattled hero of this story. He previously spent the night at the construction site fishing for photo opportunities and he is now talking about suing Fifa, and boasting about how he performed miracles.
City Hall is also trying to make the best out of a bad situation by saying that the stadium will be turned into a youth sports stadium. A 17,000-seat stadium for youth events. Good luck with that! Maybe we could get some tips from Beijing on how their Olympic stadiums are doing?
The thing is there is actually a good opportunity here. Instead of passing the buck we could instead accept our mistakes. A novel idea in Thailand, I know. But this close to the Bangkok governor elections, how much more effective would it be if MR Sukhumbhand acknowledged that management of the project was not up to standard? That maybe we had taken on too big a project. That we had tried to push Thailand forward by holding an international sporting event, but that we had not realised our own limitations. That we would learn from these mistakes and do better in the future.
Call me crazy but I believe the public are not always that stupid and prefer a politician who knows how and when to man up. Think about it. If your child breaks something and lies about it, you get angry. If they own up and, of their own accord, explain how they will fix it, you are the proudest mummy or daddy in the world.
If Thai politicians could update their antiquated public relations strategies then maybe we could go from a country that puts looking good over the importance of doing good.
There is an advert promoting investment in Indonesia airing on the international news channels at the moment. In general these type of adverts are pretty poor and it can be confusing as to whom the message is aimed at, but this Indonesian advert is surprisingly good.
The voice-over talks about how the country is politically stable and reform-minded and remarks that 50% of the population is under 30 years old. These are true and tangible claims. Conversely, all Thailand's promotion focuses on is how we are amazing, that we smile a lot and how this is our miracle year.
You see the fundamental difference? Thailand is still a country that emphasises flowery nonsense while our neighbours have put their heads down and have worked towards producing something that they can truly boast about and turn into opportunities.
This attitude permeates all the way through every system of our society. Appearances are paramount, responsibility immaterial. From the government's populist policies to our schools' drive towards easy-to-attain high grades at the loss of critical thinking. From our poorly equipped army that still manages to employ over 1,600 generals to how we throw huge sums of money at temples instead of actually performing good deeds.
The is no substance, no forward thinking. Perhaps we should change our style of Buddhism from Theravada to Zen because we spend so much time living in the moment that we forget to look to the future.
Thailand is currently still in the running to host the World Expo 2020 in Ayutthaya. The government has even gone so far as to label the bid a priority under the "National Agenda". How will the organisers of this event judge Thailand based on our handling of the Futsal World Cup? Will they be happy to know that not only did we fail to deliver on our promises, but we also turned around and attacked Fifa?
I think we can safely say goodbye to that pipe dream, don't you?
Arglit Boonyai is Digital Media Editor, Bangkok Post.