Following the Scottish referendum, PostScript received an inquiry from a Thai reader asking what you call a person from Edinburgh. I admit that it had me stumped. A Scottish friend thought it might be Edinburgher, but being a Glaswegian he was more familiar with less polite terms. He was probably right with Edinburgher, although it does sounds a little bit like something you get in McDonald's.
So a bit of research was in order and amongst suggestions I came across were Edinburghians and Edinburghonians, both of which are bit of a mouthful.
Another offering was Edinbronian, which admittedly has a certain Caledonian charm.
We must not forget Edinburgh's alternative name, Auld Reekie, meaning Old Smokey. Apparently the capital is also sometimes known as the "Athens of the North" owing to the number of buildings in Greek neo-classical style, but definitely not because of the weather.
Doubtful demonyms
The proper term for describing residents of a certain locality is "demonym". It usually comes in the form of a suffix, as in Bangkokian, Bostonian or Berliner. Mancunian and Liverpudlian are other familiar demonyms.
Of the more unusual demonyms, anyone from Newcastle is a Novacastrian, derived from Latin, which is probably why they are normally called Geordies. One of the most intriguing demonyms is for Wolverhampton, whose residents are known as Wulfrunians, after Lady Wulfrun who founded the town back in the 10th century. OK, that's trivia at its most trivial.
It got me thinking about my own town, Reading. Officially we are called Readingensians, but suspect few people from the town would bother with that — sounds too posh for a start.
I have never heard it used for an individual, although there is a Redingensians rugby club, which drops the first 'a'. An alternative name is Readingite, which sounds quite awful, although it would put us in good company with the people of Dallas, known as Dallasites.
Hercules unchained
It seems that the moose reported on the loose in Perthshire last week, went off on its rambles again, but has since been recaptured.
At least it has a name now — Hercules. It is apparently that time of the year when the male moose community get a bit romantic and seek female company. Hercules is known to have a soft spot for a cute lady moose in the vicinity called Cas. They should definitely let them get together and have a bit of fun.
Lament for 'Little Lotus'
One creature not having much fun is Bua Noi (Little Lotus), a female gorilla which has spent all but two of her 28 years in a cage on the rooftop of the Pata department store in Bangkok. While there is still a place in the world for zoos, a cramped space on the top floor of an old department store is not one of them. The owners, who say they have treated the gorilla well, have been ordered to move the creature down to the ground floor, which is at least a start.
Unfortunately for Bua Noi, the unnatural habitat of a department store has in fact become her natural habitat, as she hasn't experienced anything else and probably wouldn't survive elsewhere. All a bit sad really.
More monkey business
A more entertaining gorilla story occurred some years ago when a circus was visiting the West Yorkshire town of Huddersfield. Apparently fed up with all the people gawking at it, the gorilla managed to squeeze its way through the iron bars of its cage and charged at the audience in classic King Kong fashion. Most spectators fled the scene, but one brave fellow whacked the wretched gorilla over the head with a large lump of wood.
It only then became clear that the gorilla was in fact just a stunt man in a giant monkey suit. And he wasn't too impressed at being bashed on the nut. With blood pouring from his head he was last seen angrily pursuing his assailant out of the circus tent.
The non-dancing bears
Some people behave strangely in zoos. There was a case in Britain a few years ago when a fellow jumped into the bear pit at London Zoo, dropped his trousers and demanded that the bears dance with him.
Fortunately for him the bears had better taste and when dragged away by police, this idiot was screaming "no one will stop me flashing".
According to a zoo keeper, "the bears were disgusted".
Pet of the month
It seems appropriate to conclude with a touching tale of a hamster named "Gumble" which years ago won a pet competition in Cornwall. It was only after the award had been made that the judges discovered the winning hamster was dead and stuffed. Said an alert judge: "I suspected something was wrong when I saw Gumble sitting quiet as a mouse."
Asked to explain, the owner of the pet, a 17-year-old schoolgirl, said she had the hamster stuffed after it died because "I just could not bear to be parted from him". She also noted quite correctly that "there was nothing in the rules to say that the pets should be alive".
And finally, there was a poignant advertisement in the "lost and found" section of a London newspaper concerning a cat that had disappeared.
The ad informed readers: "It answers to the name of Misery Guts."
Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com.