Thailand has a considerable tradition when it comes to achieving offbeat records. In recent years the kingdom has received acclaim for such inspiring efforts as producing the world’s biggest omelette, the largest plate of fried rice and even the fattest Chinese dumpling.
Also attracting attention was the largest underwater wedding ceremony in which 36 couples said “I do” wearing flippers and snorkels — fortunately nobody drowned. Then there was the world’s longest kiss (46 hours), although one lady wisely fainted after half an hour. Another record came from a woman dubbed the “Scorpion Queen” who, for reasons best known to herself, spent 33 days locked up in a box with 5,000 scorpions.
But you have to go back to 1996 for the crowning achievement — the world’s most expensive pet wedding, featuring two cats, Phet and Ploy, and a dowry of more than 500,000 baht. According to a CNN report, a parrot was the best man and an iguana the maid of honour.
Last week, the nation once again achieved worldwide recognition in somewhat unorthodox fashion, by unintentionally staging the world’s longest-ever half-marathon. Runners in Bangkok’s race got a little more than they had bargained for — six kilometres to be precise. This was thanks to officials who unfortunately pointed participants in the wrong direction, making the 21km race end up more like 27km.
Some of the field were less than amused. For part-timers, after running 21km it’s not exactly fun to discover there’s still another six to go. At least the runners will be compensated with a special commemorative T-shirt — another reminder of Amazing Thailand.
Running on the spot
It brought to mind an incident when the SEA Games was held in Bangkok back in the 1970s. As the women's marathon was nearing its conclusion, a weary-looking Indonesian runner was making her way along Phaya Thai Road when she came across an unexpected hazard — a freight train trundling across the road … very slowly. It seemed to take for ever and the poor girl had no option but to keep running on the spot, having already run at least 40km.
The train eventually rattled off, but the athlete’s ordeal wasn’t quite over. She had just started up again when a large petrol tanker got stuck doing an illegal U-turn, prompting more running on the spot. She didn’t win a medal, but certainly deserved one for not throwing a tantrum.
Another one gone
Another of my favourite actors has died. Following the recent passing of Patrick Mcnee and George Cole, now Warren Mitchell has gone. Like Cole, Mitchell was an accomplished actor in all fields, but best remembered for his television work in the breakthrough BBC series Till Death Do Us Part.
Mitchell’s talent enabled him to make the reactionary working-class bigot Alf Garnett, a figure of comedy and compulsory viewing in the mid 1960s. This would not have been achieved without the brilliant script of Johnny Speight whose social observations were spot on. The programme’s realism caused considerable controversy as some viewers missed the satire in the script which was actually ridiculing Garnett’s outdated opinions.
It could not be shown now as it definitely wasn’t PC, with Alf regularly calling his long-suffering wife, Else (Dandy Nichols), “a silly old moo” and his Liverpudlian left-wing son-in-a “Randy Scouse git”. Another Garnett catchphrase was “it only stands to reason”, an expression Alf often came out with before launching into a lot of claptrap that did not stand up to reason at all.
Nichols was the perfect foil to the Garnett character, her off-hand remarks at inappropriate moments sometimes totally derailing Alf in the middle of a rant, often bringing the biggest laughs. Nichols admitted people in the street frequently called out to her “silly old moo”, but always in good natured fashion.
Fair dinkum
A reminder that the year is drawing to a close is the Ploenchit Fair, which will be held next Saturday from 10am-8pm at Bangkok Patana School on Sukhumvit Soi 105 (La Salle). Organised by the British Community in Thailand Foundation for the Needy, it is a wonderful day out and those beers and Pimm’s slide down particularly well when you know it’s for charity. There is also a free shuttle bus service from the Bang Na BTS station.
The fair always reminds me of Queen Victoria, whose statue presided over proceedings at the British Embassy up to 2001 when the event was moved for security reasons. I’m not sure what Victoria made of the funny hats or the bingo, but I am sure she would have appreciated people spending money for a good cause.
Statuesque lady
Shortly after the fair was moved, Victoria suffered another blow when the embassy sold a chunk of its land and she was shunted off to a different spot in the embassy grounds.
She hadn’t experienced such traumatic times since World War II when she was crated up by the Japanese and put in a corner like a naughty schoolgirl.
Victoria had a special fondness of statues. Back in 1897, when it was suggested that Queen Anne’s statue be moved from outside St Paul’s, Victoria reacted with indignation: “Move Anne! Most certainly not! Why, it might some day be suggested that my statue should be moved — which I should much dislike.”
So please don’t move Victoria again, she will definitely not be amused.
Contact PostScript via email at oldcrutch@hotmail.com.